Question for a Coast Guard Couple with a Child
Last Post 25 Mar 2012 08:37 PM by Old Guard2. 13 Replies.
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m0ngoos3User is Offline
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29 Dec 2011 02:42 PM
    My husband and I are planning on starting a family--because of some growing health problems we really need to be working on our family while I still have the ability to have children... Unfortunately I am a non-rate, one year into service--even more unfortunately, I'm on the MST "A" school list--into the 200's last time I looked, and the list is slow moving. I expect to be a non-rate here on the West coast for at least another 2-3 years. My husband is a Graphic designer, he has his bachelors and works for a very good company that has many locations all over the world, but of course NONE anywhere near Yorktown, VA...

    My question is--does anyone have any advice, anything reassuring that could help me feel that having a child is somewhat possible under these circumstances. By the time I go to "A" school, he or she would be about 1-2 years old. I, as a mother, wouldn't want to leave my baby, but as a service member, I know that family separation comes with the job.

    Are there any professional spouses out there, especially husbands of a service woman, who have taken care of their young child on their own while their wife was away? We don't have any family or close friends near by to hep us--what would be your advice for my husband?
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    29 Dec 2011 03:12 PM
    The advice for a husband is no different than for a wife. Love the baby with all your heart, make sure there are pictures of you, make sure there is story time, time for cuddling, time for giggling... and manage. Just like any wife would do, a husband does. It is no different.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    m0ngoos3User is Offline
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    29 Dec 2011 03:25 PM
    Those things of course are a given. Any child begotten by us would be endlessly loved and cared for--but being a single father for three months, balancing a full time job, then balancing the full time job of parenting without the help of the wife who has been there for everything up until that point--well, It's all going to be very overwhelming for him and I'm worried for him. I'm really hoping for someone who has direct experience to tell me their story of success, and maybe bestow upon us some much needed words of wisdom lol. Unfortunately, I haven't really met any Coast Guard husbands who weren't also Coasties themselves.
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    29 Dec 2011 03:48 PM
    How does a wife manage who has had her husband there up until that very moment that he leaves for school and she has a full time job and she has to balance parenting, work, and being alone? I do have experience, it is absolutely no different for a woman juggling those things then if a man has to juggle those things. What truly is the difference if the spouse is a man or a woman? The challenges are exactly the same. I did know a few husbands that were the dependant, I never saw any of them have any other difficulties than what any wife had. I also knew one husband that was an extremely happy house husband. He stayed home, took care of their little boy, made lunch for his wife, actually came to our little craft circle gatherings more for the wine & the laughs & the comraderie we shared as wives... spouses. He was very happy and just fit right in with all the wives and was a great friend. I truly find it hard to find a difference between the spouse being a man or a woman.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    m0ngoos3User is Offline
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    29 Dec 2011 06:36 PM
    haha you're making it sound like a woman's input wouldn't be helpful, I never said that--however a man's perspective is different than a woman's. As women, we gladly take on SO much of the child's needs especially when they're young. You cannot deny that in most relationships, the father is active in the child's needs, but most of the duty's tend to fall to the mother--mainly because we want to do it all. I couldn't imagine that it wouldn't be that way, that's how it was with all of my siblings, how I was brought up, how all my sisters and sister in-law were with their children also. Its just a fact.

    So, it's just different-- Hippie gender role neutrality aside, it's how things are. So, obviously, thins are going to seem different from a man's stand point.

    Please, I NEED real help here, so please only helpful comments.
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    29 Dec 2011 07:09 PM
    Hippie gender!? That is highly insulting since I am NOTHING of the hippie gender. I gave you helpful advice... There is absolutely no difference between a father being a primary care giver, be it a temporary thing (A school, underway time, C school) or the father as a permanent primary care giver. I never said a woman's input isn't helpful, I just said if it isn't available a man can and will handle whatever it is that needs to be done. There are more and more father's getting full custody of children in a divorce situation, do you think they will fail because there isn't a woman there to pick up the pieces? I think they would be highly insulted as well.

    If you think I'm of a hippie mindset then you are in the Victorian ages and don't realize that men are just as capable, in some instances more capable, of providing care & support & love & understanding then women. I'll take my UNREAL help and go away...
    Sector NY, Staten Island
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    29 Dec 2011 07:35 PM
    Please, I NEED real help here, so please only helpful comments.


    You were given helpful advice from a respected member of this forum, she has experienced the CG as both a spouse and mother. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't insult her vaguely or otherwise.

    Furthermore.. this being the 21st Century the face of the CG Spouse is changing. With more women being attracted to and entering military service more and more men are joining the CG Spouse community. CG Husbands warrant the same respect as a CG Wives. Inevitably when you attend "A" school, "C" school, deploy, work insane hours your husband will be able to fall back on the other spouses for advice and parenting tips. He'll be fine, kids don't come with instruction manuals.. I know I googled it. He'll figure out how to juggle his schedule when the time comes. Best of luck to you!
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    m0ngoos3User is Offline
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    29 Dec 2011 10:02 PM
    That's it. This whole forum is neither helpful NOR objective. It is completely beyond me how two complete web trolls became moderators of this site.

    And no, I didn't read either of your unhelpful rude comments. Thanks for not helping someone who truly needed help. Way to go!
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    29 Dec 2011 10:47 PM
    If you didn't read our answers how do you know they were unhelpful??? Interesting. But if that's the way you feel, then we'll just say good bye and end the relationship. You asked for help, I offered. If you feel your husband is not capable of caring for a child in your absence possibly you should rethink the military or having a child. Best of luck to you.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    GearsUser is Offline
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    29 Dec 2011 11:28 PM
    +1 Oldguard

    You can please all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot please all the people all the time, to paraphrase President Lincoln.


    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
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    03 Jan 2012 05:53 AM
    I know someones New Year Resolution should be to drop the attitude....
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    25 Mar 2012 07:03 PM
    Posted By Old Guard2 on 29 Dec 2011 04:48 PM
    How does a wife manage who has had her husband there up until that very moment that he leaves for school and she has a full time job and she has to balance parenting, work, and being alone? I do have experience, it is absolutely no different for a woman juggling those things then if a man has to juggle those things. What truly is the difference if the spouse is a man or a woman? The challenges are exactly the same. I did know a few husbands that were the dependant, I never saw any of them have any other difficulties than what any wife had. I also knew one husband that was an extremely happy house husband. He stayed home, took care of their little boy, made lunch for his wife, actually came to our little craft circle gatherings more for the wine & the laughs & the comraderie we shared as wives... spouses. He was very happy and just fit right in with all the wives and was a great friend. I truly find it hard to find a difference between the spouse being a man or a woman.


    Sorry for bumping an old post but I read this and almost teared up. We don't have any kids yet but plan to in a few years (when I'm approaching 30). We share our juggling. I am the family accountant and cook and take care of laundry when home. My husband stays at home currently and is happy as a clam. He takes care of everything around the house that I would if I was out working. We dont have any spouse groups where I am but he still stays in contact with family and close friends and takes classes online to get his degree. I do wish there were some men he could talk to about the adjustment because before I was in the CG he was AD Army and unfortunateley had an accident and became disabled.
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    25 Mar 2012 07:06 PM
    and by this I mean what OldGuard posted about the civilian husband at home who was accepted into the community, the OP's atrtitude is a little harsh
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    25 Mar 2012 08:37 PM
    Mongoose hasn't been back on the forum since that post. I'm not sure we are missing anything without her... But good for you with the successful, somewhat, role reversal. It really can work. My very long term boyfriend just finally went back to work after quite the long hiatus. I was actually happy having him home... Dinner was made, floors cleaned, dogs & cats fed. walked, bathed, I never really had to do too much. The only thing I preferred to do was laundry. So I always did that on the weekends. Well he is back to work now, and to add insult to injury of him not being home, he works 2nd shift. We are a bit like 2 ships passing in the night. But this too seems to work for us. I don't care what bizarre set of circumstances a family deals with... love, support, communication and a lot of tolerance will make just about anything work. There are days I come home and the breakfast dishes are in the sink and it makes me crazy. But the other morning he called me at work and wondered where his underwear was... I said in a basket in the bedroom, I didn't feel like putting anything away. So once again... love & tolerance.
    Sector NY, Staten Island


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