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calling all coastie moms
Last Post 01 Jul 2011 10:09 PM by kyuscgmom. 19 Replies.
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cgashleyUser is Offline
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cgashley

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16 Mar 2011 08:08 PM
    I just told my mom about my intent to join up, and she was extremely unsupportive

    I know she needs some time, and we need to have more conversations about this.  But I'd love some advice from mom's out there who are dealing with their children joining the military (especially in non-military families). 
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    16 Mar 2011 10:21 PM
    OK, we are a military family. Colin is active duty and his dad is still an active duty Coastie. So I'm sort of outside of your scope for advice you are looking for... But I'll tell you my point of view anyway. (Anyone that knows me will tell you they aren't surprised. LOL)

    You are her baby!!! You can be 80, you will still be her baby. Her baby is talking about joining the military. That can mean danger, injury, possibly even death. That is a lot for a mom to handle. She probably wants her girl to find a nice boy, settle down on the other side of town, give her grandkids and celebrate holidays together. Now you can move all over the planet, she may feel like she won't ever have you home again. It is a lot!!! A lot a lot!!!!

    First, you need to get your information together. Present it to her, gently!! Keep a very open dialogue at the same time not talking about it too much. You don't want to beat her over the head with it and make her feel like she MUST accept it. Allow her to accept it, not force her. Second, take her to meet a recruiter. She undoubtedly has questions. Questions she may feel there is no way you know the answer to it (even though you might). So let her ask, let her hear from a recruiter first hand. Then again, discussion, discussion, discussion!

    Once she is feeling a little better about it, tell her about this site. There are so many moms and dads on here... we are all willing to help her understand and try to show her how great an opportunity this could be for you. But remember shewill need to accept this on her terms, not yours. That doesn't mean you shouldn't proceed but don't force her to be happy about it. She doesn't want her little girl in harms way!

    If you can, tour a CG base. Let her see some Coasties at work! If all that fails, I hate to say this, but just do what you need to do for yourself. Trust me, she will be at your graduation, she will cry when you go marching past her and she will be sooooooo proud of you she will wonder why she ever doubted this decision!

    Just remember... always remember... you are her baby!!! I know Colin is becoming an amazing sailor. I know he has some fantastic shipmates, I know his Captain is well trained and well prepared to handle any situation presented, I know he loves his work... I still wish he were curled up on the couch alongside of me, watching a hockey game and me protecting him. He is my baby, he will always be my baby.

    Just to give you an idea for just how long a baby is a baby to a parent... When Colin was born my mom was coming to visit us in Alaska. Her mom, my grandma, told her not to talk to strangers and call her as soon as she got to Alaska. My mom laughed at her and said "Ma, I'm a grandma now, I think I can handle it." My grandma told her "I don't care, you are my little girl, you call me." Great grandma was 74, grandma was 48... it did not matter one little bit. So treat your mom with kid gloves, she'll know her girl is making the right decision but she will always worry!
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    PasoJackUser is Offline
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    16 Mar 2011 11:57 PM
    That was so well said oldguard2. My son was 18 and still living at home when he went to boot camp. Sure it was hard for his Dad and I, but what a great experience and personal growth he has gained. It has been 2 years since he graduated from boot camp and now he is in A school for Rescue Swimmer training. We could not be any prouder! I would encourage your mom to go to a base like we did and talk with a recruiter. If you know the field you are interested in find out more about it and talk with someone. We went to the nearest Air Station and talked with the Swimmers before boot camp. Believe it or not our son ended up at that Air Station and trained with the same swimmer that answered all our questions.
    cgashleyUser is Offline
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    17 Mar 2011 12:15 AM
    thanks for some really good advice

    How would my mom go about going to a base? She's in NY and I'm in Texas, so I don't think we could go anywhere together, but it would be nice for her to go, or at least talk to a recruiter. I wonder if I should give her my recruiter's information.

    I'm going to tell her about this site too, so maybe she can talk to other moms
    pepperdoggieUser is Offline
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    17 Mar 2011 04:24 AM
    cgashley: send me a pm (friend request) and I'll try to set your Mom up with my son at Sector NY on Staten Island.

    Best wishes,

    Pepper
    Bella0426User is Offline
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    17 Mar 2011 06:51 PM
    Good luck ashley....I kinda didn't give my mom a choice. I told her I was joining and that was that either you was down with me or she wasn't lol. I guess you can say I was harsh but she understands now
    "Life is not measures by the breaths you take, but by it's breathtaking moments"
    cgashleyUser is Offline
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    17 Mar 2011 08:21 PM
    Posted By Bella0426 on 17 Mar 2011 06:51 PM
    Good luck ashley....I kinda didn't give my mom a choice. I told her I was joining and that was that either you was down with me or she wasn't lol. I guess you can say I was harsh but she understands now

    Ha, that's good she understands now.  I got an email from my mom today, again telling me is 100% opposed to this and I do not have her blessing.  But then she did say that she would read all the material I sent her and try and keep an open mind. 

    I wrote her a very long email in response, trying to be as reasonable as humanly possible, explaining in great detail why I want this.  I want her to be proud and not against this. 

    But I think at the end of the day, this is something I've got to do, whether she likes it or not.


    cgashleyUser is Offline
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    17 Mar 2011 09:49 PM
    Just got off the phone with her. She's forbidden me from joining the coast guard. Doesn't want to talk to anyone on here, or at a base, or a recruiter. She said she doesn't think I can do it and I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.

    No words. I want this so bad, and the opportunity is at my fingertips. I'm at a complete loss.
    Bella0426User is Offline
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    18 Mar 2011 06:01 AM
    This is how I see it your parents ran your life until you were 18 its time for you to start living your life the way you want to nit for anybody else. I know it may be difficult to go against a parent says but I wouldn't be the first time. I think you should join and start living for you not what she wants you to be. She will comea round eventually and if not thats her lose as lost as long your happy she should be happy regardless.
    "Life is not measures by the breaths you take, but by it's breathtaking moments"
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    18 Mar 2011 06:20 AM
    Wedon't "run" our children's lives, we guide our children the best we can with the experiences we have had in life. All we want as parents is for our children to be safe, healthy, happy and do better than we did. A parent always wants just what is best for their child. They don't "run" thier life. Keep in mind one thing, had you been raised by different people you would be a different person. Your parents are the ones that instill that ability to stand on your own and give you the ability to be able to say "This is what I'm doing and that's that."

    Now with that out of my system... Ashley, if this is something you want, if you think you can do it... then go for it. Your mother can advise you against something at this point in your life but she can't forbid you. You don't need her permission, you would only like her blessing. More than likely she will come around to it... it might not be until you are actually in boot camp that she will realize there is nothing she can do now and she had better accept it, because it is your life.

    I give Colin advice, generally he will listen to me but he also weighs his options and makes the decisions for himself. That is what you need to do now. You heard her out, you gave her some options to find out more information, if she chooses not to hear you or educate herself... then you just need to live for you. It is an excellent career and can be an incredibly exciting life. Best of luck in your decisions, just make the decision for you and no one else.

    Macie
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    Bella0426User is Offline
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    18 Mar 2011 07:16 AM
    I didn't mean it that way it was put in text. I meant it like some parents want you to live there dream and sometimes that's just not for you. Or they want you to go to college like my mom and u had to say no bc college is not for me (not saying that I'm not smart it anything) I just don't like the college life so that took awhile for my mom to understand she even git mad and stop talking to me but she understand that I'm gonna make my own decision in life. So don't take it as me talking bad about parents bc I'm not
    "Life is not measures by the breaths you take, but by it's breathtaking moments"
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    18 Mar 2011 08:03 AM
    Having your mother think that you can't do it should fuel your drive and passion even more if you do commit to the Coast Guard. If your in boot camp and something seems hard, think of the time your mother said "I don't think you can do it" and prove to yourself and her that when you set your mind to something, you can achive it.
    texascgmomUser is Offline
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    18 Mar 2011 04:10 PM
    I hope your mom eventually comes around. I suggested my son join the Coast Guard and when I did, his best friend also joined. This was a shock to the friend's mother. She thought it was a bad idea, couldn't understand why he would want to put her through that. No matter how much we talked to her about it she was dead set against it. Got mad at me for suggesting that "they" join the Coast Guard. He happened to be at the house when I told my son about joining and it was an offhanded remark after I saw his grades for college. I just told him that if he wasn't going to try in college then "just go join the Coast Guard". He took me serious and so did his friend. The months leading up to the ship date his mother wouldn't talk to either one of us. The friend lived at my house until time to ship out. I think she just didn't want to let go - because she had basically made all the decisions for both of her sons and this was not her decision. But guess what - lo and behold graduation day came and she was sitting beside me in the stands just as proud as a peacock. Crying happy tears and saying this is the best thing that could have happened to him. Go figure. This was a very difficult time for this kid, but now their relationship is better than ever. She has visited him at his station and displays the Coast Guard flag and has the bumper stickers on her truck.

    Just give your mom some time - she might surprise you. We were totally suprised.
    Proud Mom to SN Lueders - "Mom" to FN Coover - Soon to be AET's
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    19 Mar 2011 12:11 PM
    cgashley, darlin', go for your dreams.
    You are an adult and I trust that you have done your homework and made a sound decision. I spent a long time learning, the hard way, not to pick fights I can't win....so when my son declared that he was enlisting in the CG rather than going to college first, I said "Okay. I'll help."
    Understand that my dad was USAF Chief Master Sgt when he retired : that means I was an enlisted guy's brat ---and that's why I wanted my son to go to college and be an officer! But that was my idea, not his, and the fact is that I can't control his decisions any more once he is an adult. Relationship is more important than control. That said, be respectful always of your mama, and honor her as you should. That's your best chance for maintaining a relationship and it doesn't mean, necessarily, that you need her approval. Chances are that this current conflict is as much about her relinquishing HER dreams and plans for you as much as anything else.
    Getting into the CG and then getting the rate you want is a long road, and it's tough. There's a lot of competition. Once he made the decision, my son worked as hard and as long to get in and become eligible for IS " A" school as his cousins did to get into exclusive universities. Don't let someone tell you what you can and can't do ; my father-in-law told my husband he wasn't tough enough for law enforcement, and that he'd never make it when he applied for a police academy, not like his big brother the narcotics officer. That was nearly thirty years ago. The big tough narc is an insurance company executive now, while my husband is in a command position in his department. Together we've survived - literally- everything a law enforcement career can throw at us. I think he originally did it just to disprove his dad, but he thrived. He wasn't just tough enough, he is really good at what he does.
    Keep coming back here for encouragement. We'll give it to you.
    cgashleyUser is Offline
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    cgashley

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    19 Mar 2011 10:41 PM
    I really appreciate everyone's words of encouragement and faith. This situation has me both driven to prove her wrong, and scared that maybe she is right. I'm 23 years old, and living on my own for six years now. She cannot say yes or no on this, I know that... but she has never been so opposed to something before. It has me question whether she really believes I cannot do this, or if she just doesn't want me to for personal reasons. She certainly has succeeded in putting doubt in my head.

    I want to be a member of the United States Coast Guard...that much I know. I'll stick with that instinct.
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    20 Mar 2011 02:30 PM
    Good, and when your standing there at graduation, She will indeed be proud!
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    20 Mar 2011 04:34 PM
    Young lady with all do respect to your mother you are definitely old enough to know what your calling is to be.
    I am a CG mother, but I also have a son studying at a university and a 16 year old daughter, who is determined to go to UNF. All three if my children have been given the privilege to seek out their own calling. Our job as parents is to provide the proper foundation: food, shelter, medical/dental care, a few extra interest classes, clothing, a strong moral foundation and in our case spiritual leadership. You, my dear, are way to old to be so terribly worried about your mom's decision in this matter. Aside from loving her and hoping she will come around, she should be very proud you have been called to this high place. Should you not do as you are feeling lead I fear one day you will look back with deep regret. That regret will turn to bitterness toward your mother. Sounds like counseling. It is. One of the worst choices you could make is the one that leaves you with regrets for the rest of your life. One last thought. Maybe your Mom is afraid this is the real beginning to her not having the largest say in your life. Its a form of "Mommie Separation Anxiety". I know --- because like most of the dads and moms writing on this forum about their sons and daughters going off to BT, its tough.
    Your mom will survive this. I have and I am so very proud of my CG SON.

    Blessing to you in whatever you decide to do,

    kyuscgmom
    kyuscgmom
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    21 Mar 2011 12:24 AM
    cgashley, I feel for you as I know you are stuck between a rock and a hard place! But I agree with previous posters, it is your life! Your mom is probably scared and sad that she will not see you much. I am going and went through the same thing, my daughter first thought about the cg when she was a senior in hs.; I have learned and try to only give my opinion to her when she asked, but I sure did not want her to go. She was my baby, my last baby at home! She went to our local college for a couple of years but still wanted to go into the coast guard. Her recruiter gave her dvd's to watch and material to read which she shared with me. It does take awhile to actual go to boot camp, there are many things that must be done first and there has to be a space available. Her process took a year and a half! That gave her dad and me time to adjust to the idea. Well she graduates in two weeks from bootcamp and we couldn't be more proud! She will be stationed across the nation from us, but we are already thinking a vacation is in the future. Follow your dream, your mom will come around, she will be filled with so much pride she will hardly be able to contain herself! Parents have to "grow up" too and realize our children are exactly what we worked so hard to do. Raise them to be independent, morale, conscientious members of society. Tell her what a good job she did in raising you to want to give of yourself. The Coast Guard is selective, let her know they too realize what a good job she did. Like kyuscg mom said it is hard but will be fine, boot camp is hard too but you will be fine. In the end both parent and child (I should say recruit) will both grow and be better for the experience. Just do it!
    The adventures you will have, people you will meet, and the things you will learn will so be worth it. I love that fact that my daughter will have these opportunities that I never had, Will I miss her? Incredibly so, but it is her life now and I will be able to hear all about it. I wish you all the best and pray things will work out the way you want. Keep us posted, good luck!
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    18 Jun 2011 12:50 AM
    Hopefuuly by now you have made a decision. I am not a CG mom, but I have been in the CG for 8 years now. My mom wasn't too happy when I told her my plans of joining, but now she is so proud and thinks its the best thing I could of done. You already live far away from your mom, and by joining you have a very good chance of actually living closer to her. Staton Island is a big unit and people are not banging down the door to get stationed there. Plus you have all sorts of cities near there where you can end up. I am still in and have a 4 year old son and am married to a school teacher. I live 3000 miles from home, and although it hard for my mom not to be able to see her grandson everyday, she loves to hear about our new adventures and where we are going next.  Honestly, I would just do it.  It's not like your mom is going to miss not having you around since you already live far away.  She will get to know the CG like my mom did and realize it is a great service to be in.
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    01 Jul 2011 10:09 PM
    I wish your Mom would read these wonderful replies, but since she has chosen not to do so you are left with the decision to pursue your calling on your own. I personally can't relate to your Mom. One of the many special days of my life as a Mom was when my son at 15 yrs  old came to tell me he knew he was being called into the Coast Guard. His Dad thought it might be a whim. Our son never wavered. He loves his job--no regrets. He won't ever have to regret that he didn't pursue his calling.

    Maybe your mother is afraid of losing control.  It's tough to let go of our baby birds and let them fly. Many of the wonderful folks on this site have walked me down the pathway to letting go. My Coastie son has a big brother studying pre-med. He will leave for Med school the same year our baby will graduate from high school and head to UNF. I could get really sad. Hey, I have three healthy kids and doggone it, they are all doing what we raised them to do. They are striving toward the daily goal of being a productive, viable citizen of this nation. They are pursuing their dreams. Pursue your dreams. 

    You know the Bible can show you that sometimes we have to look outside our family to find the support we know we deserve. Love and honor your Mother. But above all, Honor and Love the Calling bestowed on YOU.
    If you know in your heart this is your calling, everything else will fall into place -- Mom will come around.

    You will find plenty of parents on this site, who will be proud to support you in the USCG.

    Be Encouraged,

    KYUSCGMOM
    kyuscgmom
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