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Suicide
Last Post 11 Jun 2011 08:50 PM by jen899193. 13 Replies.
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Old Guard2User is Offline
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27 Apr 2011 08:36 AM
    I always say every story a military wife has starts out with the sentence "My husband was away when......." Fill in any topic you like after that, I'm sure that's how the interesting stories begin. I have had my fair share of those while Jimmy and I were married. But here we go again and I haven't been a military wife for a really long time.

    Scott is at home in Oregon visiting family, so in essence my "husband" is away and this morning a cop car is sitting parked outside my neighbors house. We are both corner homes so he is on the side street, the neighbors house and my house are back to back. My Belgian Malinois is growling because this car doesn't belong there and she isn't happy. So I hustle her off to her cage for the day, I'm going to get dressed to leave for work in a few minutes anyway. I get dressed, I carry out the garbage, now there is an ambulance parked on the side street at my neighbor's house. Oh no, someone must have gotten hurt, I hope everything is ok. I go back in, get my laptop, purse, lunch, lock the door, go in the garage, open the door... now there is crime scene tape completely surrounding my neighbors yard and about 6 or 7 police cars! Well my "husband" is away!!! Now what!! My hands are shaking, I'm standing there just looking in disbelief at everything. An officer starts walking in my direction. We talk for a few minutes, he asks if I heard anything at all last night, a noise, a disturbance, anything. I tell him I have a Belgian Malinois, they have 3 on the police force for K-9's, they know what the breed is like. I tell him she alerts on everything, every noise. She made no alert last night or even this morning, nothing. She alerted the car was parked there but not a thing before that.

    My neighbor was in his SUV, parked right where I look at it from my backyard, dead. At this time they believe it was a suicide.

    It really got me thinking. I have had an amazingly good life. I have had some amazingly bad stretches in my life. I was homeless, living in a Buick for a while. That was no piece of cake, let me tell you. I honestly have to say I have never once contemplated suicide. I'm not asking anyone for confessions or deep dark secrets or anything like that. It just made me wonder what can possibly be that horrific in a life that someone turly believes that is the only way out of whatever it is they are in? When Colin was born, on Kodiak, there was a rash of suicides. A few guys from the base fire department and some people in town, all within a couple of weeks of each other. One of the guys on base, his daughter was born within days of Colin. His wife and I went to the same OB/GYN, we went to LaMaze (sp??) classes with our husbands together. I didn't understand it then... here was his precious daughter, just arrived in the world and he left. Even if it is just to see who wins American Idol, isn't there something people can cling to and want to see?!?!?!

    I'm sorry, I'm rambling. That crime scene tape, the cops asking if I heard something, wishing I had and might have been able to do something, the fact when I walked my dogs at 5:30 this morning he was probably already gone, all alone in a car not 50' from where I stood telling my dogs to hurry up and pee-pee. My hands are still a little shaky, my nerves a little rattled and I just wondered if anyone else had been this close to someone who thought about it or did it? I just don't understand. It really has me upset. And as this post began, so shall it end... Scott is away and there is crime scene tape around my neighbor's house!
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    MasterGuns2077User is Offline
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    27 Apr 2011 09:48 AM


    Wow, I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
    I personally have never known a suicide, but I was close to some people in high school who, after I graduated, had a friend of theirs hang himself.
    On facebook you can find people leaving memories or lamentations on the walls of suicides as a kind of catharsis. What struck me wasn't all the people who mourning their loss, but one girl who posted a few simple words. I can't recall them off the top of my head. The gist of what she said was: how could you be so selfish as to choose to leave someone who loves you behind without you?
    Whatever drives someone to take their own life, I cannot understand. Most of the time I'm inclined to agree with this young woman, who was angry rather than sad. Suicide, it's been said, is the ultimate act of selfishness. Some do it out of fear, not wanting to deal with their problems, despair and loneliness, or deep wounds that never quite healed.
    My heart breaks, not for the suicide, but for those around him who now have to live life without him and always ask why he did it. They will burden themselves with it, wondering if they could have done something.
    I suppose this may sound cold. I don't mean it to be. I simply find it hard to sympathize with the suicide as I have never thought to myself "this sucks, maybe I should just kill myself." Its those left to pick up the pieces...the thought is unbearable to me.
    I heard a story of a man who threw himself off the golden gate bridge and survived. He was interviewed by someone who asked him "what were you thinking of when you felt yourself start to fall?" His reply: "I thought the only real problem in my life up to that point was that I had just jumped off the golden gate bridge."
    Dunno if thats a true story or not, but I'm willing to wager that if there is a life after this one (not heaven or hell, just life) that suicides must regret their decision.

    Dunno if any of that helps, was ranting myself for a bit.
    Your passion for what you do will set you free.
    captkyguyUser is Offline
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    27 Apr 2011 10:17 AM
    I have responded too way to many suicides, and to this day I do not understand them. From the young to the old with anything from guns in mouths, guns to the side of heads, hanging, pills, and the list goes on.

    A friend of ours, through our son's little league baseball, committed suicide not to long ago. I coached his son in both baseball and martial arts, tossed his little girl up into the air, had sleepovers, birthday parties, cookouts and went camping with them. They presented to be a very successful family, and then BAM he opted to leave this world behind with two high school age children and a lovely wife. Never would have seen that one coming.

    Just very recently we had a suicide on one of our fire stations parking lots...it was 2 ½ days before we realized it...sad to say but no one noticed the tragic event. They noticed the vehicle but thought nothing of it just a parked vehicle. Finally one of the captains says that car was here when I came in last shift, who does it belong to...they go look and to their utter shock they find a man with a rifle in his mouth deceased. The windows of his truck were tinted and he had laid his seat back so the only way to see was through the front windshield. The firefighters had no idea and they were parking right next to the truck.

    Crazy stuff…but there is always a better option then suicide.
    I want to finally set it free, So show me how to see what Your mercy sees, Help me now to give what You gave to me...Forgiveness, Forgiveness
    Eoghan RoeUser is Offline
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    02 May 2011 06:12 AM
    I'm pretty sure Master hit my thoughts right on the head. And it stinks because it is a touchy situation there, while people are mourning, but it is so selfish. I've experienced two. One of the guys I was friends with in high school, he graduated the year before me and went off to college. I just remember hearing about it and thinking... why? He had good grades, tons of people loved him and his sense of humor. Come to find out it was because a girl dumped him.

    Here's the thing... I would hazard to guess the ONE thing that most people think before they attempt suicide... is that no one will miss them. It's funny how we as humans can convince ourselves of such silly ideas.

    The other one was a teacher that was just starting at my old high school when I graduated. My sister had this guy as a teacher like the year before it happened. Of course it's all rumors and speculation, but what I heard was that he had some sort of relationship with one of his students and had been terminated. But what amazed me about the whole situation was that even if that were the case... he was fired, he killed himself, and still a rather large petition emerged to have one of the buildings at the school named after him. People loved this guy. I caught myself thinking "Why? He took himself away from all of you."

    All in all, I try (and know I should try harder) to always let the people around me know that I care for them and would miss them if they were gone. Hopefully if their life ever gets to that point, they'll have some memory of me telling them I cared for them.
    XWA5004User is Offline
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    29 May 2011 04:11 PM
    I can't assume to know what people go through, I'm too young. All I can speak of is my own experience which isn't much but many people close to me have seriously contemplated suicide, friends and family. There's a darkness that enters the mind that convinces you that that the peace of the grave is greater then the troubles of this world. It's wrong but at that time you are too overcome by emotions to think straight. All those I've talked to decided in their own way. One man moved away and his life got better, One girl decided that it's better to smile then to be sad and now she's an optimist. My best friend still struggles to find the light. I've learned from them all, I've learned that I would rather people smile at my funeral then cry, If I'm down I remind myself that going somewhere new can give you a new perspective on life, and finally I learned that the peace of Death is something earned by embracing life.
    coreyshawUser is Offline
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    30 May 2011 10:42 AM
    Recently, my Sister's ex boyfriend killed himself. He was 19. He was one of the few boyfriends of her's that I actually liked, but I had to put him against a wall a few times because he would get really angry really fast and I wanted to make sure he knew that if he ever got angry enough to raise a hand at my sister, I'd break it off. And I can understand getting angry. There are times when I find myself getting angry over almost nothing and have to calm myself down. But it wasnt until after he killed himself that I realized something. He had no emotional filter. If you stub your toe, you're gonna ball your fists, probably throw out a few curse words, but after a min or 2 you'll be fine. Now if someone broke into your car and stole your stereo, you're gonna be PISSED, right? Probably some angry pacing, directing your anger at others just because you're pissed, a lot of curse words, making threats to this person you've never met who stole your stereo, etc. Evan didnt have that, he would be just as mad at stubbing his toe than if someone stole his stereo. Same with every emotion. Sad, depressed, etc. But for the most part he was a happy kid and liked to have a good time and make other people laugh.
    One day, he came into the house, and it was just his younger sister home. They were very close. He was angry, pacing the house, cursing, yelling, punching things, etc. He finally locked himself in his room. His sister was banging on the door begging him to come out but he kept telling her to go upstairs. Finally she did, and then she heard a gun go off and she instantly got on the phone with 911. They came out, broke his bedroom door down. He was lying on his bed with 3 bullet wounds in his chest, still breathing. They couldnt save him. No note, no indication. This was all because him and his girlfriend got in a silly argument.
    What amazed me is that even with his mind so clouded with being sad and angry, he had the foresight to know that someone he loved, most likely his sister, was going to find him after he did it, so he didnt shoot himself in the head. So this one confuses me. Usually when someone kills themselves, their minds are just so clouded with emotion and darkness that all they can think about is making it stop. But Evan had the clarity of mind to say "Wait, I dont want my sister to find me with half of my head missing." And his Sister DID have to identify him. I dont mean to sound morbid but it's true. Im not sure why people do it. Ive never been so upset as to even think about it. But it is becoming a big problem. Especially amongst younger people.
    CoochUser is Offline
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    09 Jun 2011 09:58 PM
    My childrens' principal killed himself a few weeks back. Not sure what his reasons were, but he decided to take the "leave the car running in the garage" route. While I can sympathize for anyone that is having a bout with depression, I despise those that commit suicide. It's extremely selfish. Combine that with the fact that this moron was in charge of the education and well being of several hundred K-5 students, and it's even worse. He even had two small children himself. I went to my daughter's end of school year award ceremony today, and there was a brief reading of a letter to "pay tribute" to the deceased principal. I was actually offended by this idea. I'm sure most of the parents lied to their kids, and probably just told their kids that the man died, and left out the fact that he killed himself. Me personally, I didn't feel like treating my kids like idiots, so I told them the truth.

    I don't mean to sound cold hearted. I just feel that suicide is selfish enough when it affects your own family. But when hundreds of kids get hurt in the process, that really irritates me. It wouldn't surprise me if they want to build a memorial or heaven forbid, try and name the school after this poor excuse of a man in the future. If they try and go that route, I will fight it tooth and nail. I may come off as a jerk for doing so, but I will do it nonetheless. A man that does this should not be celebrated. Period.
    You can meet the standard, or you can set the standard. It's your choice.
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    10 Jun 2011 07:31 AM
    It does sound cold but I agree Cooch. I don't know how someone can think it is an acceptable route to go out that way. I have had friends think about it and some have succeeded... I guess I'm just lucky in some way, no matter how bad things have gotten in my life I have always reached out... dad, mom, husband, boyfriend, even my son... and just hung on for dear life praying that it will get better. It does, everntually. But I'm just fortunate enough to have a family that will hold on as tight as I need them too no matter what the problem or how long I need them to hold and of course I'm willing to hold them, too, no matter what or how long!

    Those poor little ones. My condolences to them. I'm sure they will miss their prinicpal.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
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    10 Jun 2011 08:27 AM
    +1 Cooch

    It doesn't matter what's going on in your life, it's all temporary. Life is cyclic, you have ups and downs.. If things are going south, then it's time to make a change. And, if you don't know how reach out to someone... anyone. A neighbor, the church, go to the VFW and talk to an old Marine, GI, or Sailor. Sitting around and letting something eat away at until the only recourse is suicide is the ultimate act of cowardice.
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
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    11 Jun 2011 01:22 AM
    I don't believe it's cowardly just foolish. It's like when some woman, when chocking, in order to not make a scene will excuse themselves to the bathroom and faint in there. We humans are too limited in the way we think and so we often become fools.
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    11 Jun 2011 09:39 AM
    I have never known a choking woman to excuse herself to faint in another room. I have excused myself because I am fine, just still coughing and my face is red and I don't want to disturb other diners or my companion and I want to splash water on my face. It certainly isn't because I need the heimlich and would hate to inconvenience anyone! That is just silly.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
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    11 Jun 2011 10:50 AM
    Yes I know I was surprised too! When I got certified for CPR the fire-fighter who was our instructor told us of some odd cases like that. He told us that guys would sometimes have the opposite reaction and start flipping tables and run up to strangers to get some help. Funny how people act in those situations.
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    11 Jun 2011 12:04 PM
    We were in a restaurant one night, a kid coughed, who pays attention to a cough. The waitress asked if anyone knew the heimlich and you could tell everyone sort of chuckled or had a who? what? sort of look. Then she said it again more forcefully. I knew it but I hadn't done it in a thousand years but just as I started up the guy at the bar next to me jumped up and grabbed the kid. He asked the kid "Ready?" the kid nodded... 1 - 2 - 3 - POOF... across the room practically this HUNK of steak came out then the poor kid threw up. Someone had called 911 and the kid was already sitting down, throwing up, catching his breath. The paramedics showed up and he was fine, more scared and bruised ego then anything else. It was a little shaky.

    The guy at the bar that saved the kid, he had just gotten his iced tea and was waiting for his dinner when all this happened. You could tell he was something of a regular. He asked the bartender just box up his steak, he was giong home. He got his steak, paid the bill and left. It did't occur to me right then but a short time later I asked to speak to the manager. I told him the next time the guy was in, he should really pick his meal up for him. He did just save that kids life and he was visibly shaken up about it. The manager agreed whole heartedly and said they were going to get his next couple of dinners. I really hope they did. That guy really looked upset and a little shook up when he took his dinner and left. The kid was fine, the guy was just one of those everyday heroes you never hear about. Thank God they exist!
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    jen899193User is Offline
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    11 Jun 2011 08:50 PM
    **putting aside my anger that i had to read about this here because my "friend" didn't bother to call or even text me when this happened.

    suicide is tragic and sad. sometimes it isn't even what it seems. here is my story......it's 1988 dating a guy and getting a little too carried away. ended up preggers and he walked the minute he found out. ya, that is my coastie's donor. so i end up losing my job blah, blah, blah. while hanging out at home and unemployed i got to know my downstairs neighbors a bit. she introduced me to her brother. he was a year younger.....but cute and funny. for the life of me i couldn't run the guy off. i just couldn't understand why he would want to take on someone else's baggage. we dated for over a year. we got married dec 16, 1989 in our living room in front of our christmas tree. britt had turned 9 mo that day. shawn adored her and planned on adopting her. so we hit the holidays, i wreck my car, he started a new job, newly weds, strapped financially, fruitcake tried to break in our house, and christmas. we were stressed. night of the 28th we had a huge arguement and woke britt up. i went to get her out of her crib and there shawn was with a gun pointed over his shoulder. to this day i truly don't believe he intended to actually shoot himself. i think he meant for it to go over his shoulder. his facial expression on the impact was "WTF". he fell to the ground. now it wasn't like you see in the movies, it just looked like he had grazed himself. i was livid and yelling, saying you need to get up we can't afford the ambulance bill. needless to say i called 911. dr's said if he had used a more powerful rifle he would have survived with minimal injury. he used a .22 and the bullet just bounced around scrambling his brain. police kept me at the house for over two hours after the incident. he was trying to get up and breathing on his own when the paramedics left with him. by time i got to the hospital he was gone, at least with no brain activity. point being.....sometimes things get ruled as suicide simply because that is how they appear. i believe that there may be a significant percentage that simply were mindless accidents.

    so there i was barely 22 and with a 9 month old daughter, widowed 12 days after i got married. left me a mess for a very long time. the one good thing that came of it, well actually multiple things, fort wayne, indiana had their first heart/lung transplant as a result of his death. many other people received lifesaving organs as well. donate.....it helps ease the sense of loss!!!
    ~Jen~
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