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Advice for a Girlfriend of a Coastie
Last Post 14 May 2016 01:04 AM by Madison7863. 24 Replies.
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jlmspc102410User is Offline
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jlmspc102410

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04 Jan 2012 07:05 PM
    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a few months now and he is leaving for basic on March 20th,  I'm scared and sad that he's leaving.  If anyone can offer me any advice or let me know what it's like dating a coastie please post!  I want to be as supportive to him as I possibly can and the thought of not seeing him for months at a time is so sad to me :/ does it get any easier?  Once he's out of basic what types of things could he be doing? I was wondering if he had time after basic for phone calls or even to skype.  We are both unsure about this whole process so anyone with experience and can offer some it would be greatly appreciated!!
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    04 Jan 2012 09:38 PM
    Boot camp is going to be rough. I won't sugar coat it for you. It isn't easy to deal with. There is limited phone calls, there is no email, no skype, no texting... only pen & paper in the old fashioned mail. So that is a bit rough to handle for most people. BUT... it is ONLY 8 weeks. This is going to sound silly but it is true... the days are going to drag by but the weeks will fly.

    Once he is out of boot camp then the world becomes far more normal. Phone calls, texting, skype... it is all back in play and life goes on. Now if he is underway (meaning on a ship when he is out at sea)... then communication is a little slower. He can email but he can't call or text while at sea. It is still better than boot camp but that will present a new challenge. It isn't as difficult as it seems. I was once a fiance to a Coastie, then a wife, then an ex-wife, and now a mom. I loved every minute of my life being involved with the CG. It takes some adjustment and some getting used to but it sure can be a lot of fun!
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    jlmspc102410

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    04 Jan 2012 09:52 PM
    I am looking forward to the new adventure and to see where this takes us for sure! And I know thank you for not sugar coating it, it will be hard but I hope it makes us strong and I hope I can be as strong as he needs me to be throughout this whole experience. I really do hope you're right in that the weeks will fly by, 8 weeks...

    That is so good to hear that he is able to do all of that once he's out of basic!! Thank you soooo much
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    08 Jan 2012 11:27 PM
    My boyfriend of four years just left for bootcamp and you should know- it is not NEARLY as bad as I was expecting! If you are anything like me, the thought of going for months at a time without seeing him was enough to upset me. It turns out the anticipation was the part that was the hardest. I have totally surprised myself with how strong I am being and I'm sure you will too!
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    09 Jan 2012 12:21 PM
    My son went to boot camp back on November 1, 2011 and graduated in December. He and his girlfriend were together for about 10 months at that time when he graduated. It was tough on her, but she got through it.

    Here is the next step you are going to be dealing with. The LONG DISTANCE relationship side of being a coastie girlfriend. Every relationship is different and I know most if not all women can handle and deal with this type but some can't.

    My son's girlfriend decided she could not handle the distance and broke up with him over this past weekend.

    Your Coastie's once they get to their 1st stations will have a somewhat normal life, BUT they will have a TON of QUALIFICATIONS and STUDYING to do.

    My advice BE SUPPORTIVE AND LOVE THEM!!! Be Patient!
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    Lauren EH

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    14 Jan 2012 11:00 PM
    My boyfriend in Coast Guard boot camp has been away for 5 weeks now and today really hit me hard. Ive only recieved two lettes and i may have sent him about 27. My question is he called his mother today and i got the information that his graduation is not feb 3rd as planned its now 3 weeks later and that he is switching companies. What does that mean?
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    14 Jan 2012 11:18 PM
    He may have gotten reverted, which means he was moved from the class (company) he was in to one that was graduating later.  If that was the case, he got to make a single (one) phone call to notify everyone about the later graduation date.  If so, it is not the end of the world.  The Coast Guard has not given up on him and his training will continue.

    As for the letters, try not to be discouraged about the number.  In truth, they don't have much free time for writing letters except, maybe, on Sunday mornings.  And not the first Sunday or two, either.

    Just keep writing him letters.  I remember very well how much it mean to me to get letters when I was in military training; I read every letter from my gf (now wife) over and over again and treasured them like they were made of gold.

    Good luck!

    Bill
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    Lauren EH

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    18 Jan 2012 07:27 PM
    Thanks Bill! Yeah I knew him going in he wouldn't have much free time. I think by me writing to him makes me feel better about the situation. Also thanks for telling me about reverting, I didn't know exactly what that meant, but looked it up and got info!
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    19 Jan 2012 04:02 PM
    Sooo I just found out my bf Alex will be stationed in Wasington state! I live in Virginia, long distance here I come and im going to stay positive and strong through it all! Does anyone know if it is hard being just a gf of someone being do far away?
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    19 Jan 2012 04:23 PM
    It has it's challenges. But it isn't horrible. When I was still dating/engaged to my Coastie... I lived in NJ and he was stationed in Alaska. That was in 1985/86 before we married. Think about it... no texting, no email, no calling plans (phone bills exceeded 300$ a month for BOTH of us), no skype... At that point, no answering machines even!!! If I called his barracks and he wasn't there, the phone just rang and rang. The only way I saw his face was if he took a picture, had it developed, stuck it in an envelope and mailed it to me! Can you imagine! LOL We did it. Again, easy??? Hell no! There were days I cried because I missed him. There were days he really missed me and wasn't such a happy Coastie. But we managed. You can, too!

    The hardest part, I think, the military doesn't acknowledge you. If you aren't a wife, you don't exist. You weren't issued in his seabag, he doesn't require you. So that part can be a bit daunting. But that too is manageable. Washington state can be a beautiful place to visit. Watch for airline sales and try to time it with his schedule, if he is on a ship, his underway schedule. Best of luck but remember if he is worth waiting for, you'll wait and the other way, too! Feel free to hang around here and continue to ask questions and get used to the language and all things Coast Guard.
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    21 Jan 2012 07:48 PM
    Boot camp is definitely the toughest out of all of it, but if you can get through it, you can get through anything. Thankfully my SO has a pretty normal day job, except when he is underway. He works monday-friday and is off before 2 most days, so it's definitely doable! And we are actually here in WA state as well! Do you know where he will be stationed? We are located in Seattle and it is SO SO beautiful over here, visit every chance you get =]
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    22 Jan 2012 02:04 PM
    I'm actually not sure where in Washington but he said in a letter that it's where they filmed twilight! Haha thought that was pretty cool; but yeah I'd love to go visit but it's temporary until a school then he goes somewhere else right?
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    22 Jan 2012 06:43 PM
    It is a permanent station. Temporary means you are there only a short time, TAD, temporary assignment of duty. This is a PCS move, permanent change of station. He will be there until A school. That can be anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. If he is still single, A School will be a PCS. Then orders to the next station are PCS. If he is married, then A School is TAD and then it is PCS to the next station.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    Suarez326User is Offline
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    22 Jan 2012 08:36 PM
    okay so that's.. Forks, WA. Very rainy but it's definitely a neat town to live in. He will get use to all of the twilight stuff there, it's everywhere! haha =P
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    23 Jan 2012 05:23 AM
    Well that's a good amount of time, while he's doing his thing it will give me enough time to finish up college, both gotta work on our futures! In the end it will be better that we'll do long distance so we don't get distracted and what not lol but in time it will be an even stronger relationship! Sooo it rains a lot their lol and he hates hates twilight but I love it poor thing
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    29 Jan 2012 06:16 PM
    That is so great to hear!! I really hope you are right sometimes I think about it and it makes me cry but I try not to think about him leaving and think about the time we have and what we will have in the future! Have you gotten any letters from him yet?!
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    30 Jan 2012 03:16 PM
    I have gotten 3 letters so far he's been in for 8 weeks almost! 3 more weeks to go! everyday seems to get easier yet I have those few people telling me there's no way it would work but I'm fighting for him no matter what they say. A good quote I stick by is "distance doesn't ruin a relationship, doubt does" so noo doubting just take it how it is and if it's meant to be it will work out.
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    30 Jan 2012 03:19 PM
    When does your bf graduate btw? Mine is feb 24th!
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    14 Feb 2012 03:32 PM
    My husband left feburary 7th, and in the begining it really sucks.. a lot. It's only the second week for me and i guess its getting easier. Everytittme i miss him i just go to writing and it makes me feel like im talking to him in a way. Whats really hard is waiting to hear back from him and to see his handwriting! But you can either look at it as "another day without him" or "another day closer to holding him" ! It's really emotionally tough, but it makes you really appreciate your coastie! Stay positive!! If you need to talk when he goes away i'm here
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    15 Feb 2012 02:57 AM
    Posted By Lauren EH on 22 Jan 2012 02:04 PM
    I'm actually not sure where in Washington but he said in a letter that it's where they filmed twilight! Haha thought that was pretty cool; but yeah I'd love to go visit but it's temporary until a school then he goes somewhere else right?

    Sounds like Station Neah Bay.  Have a good friend of mine that was a non-rate there.  Yes, they filmed Twilight there.  Unfortunately, it's also an isolated duty station.  If it Station Neah Bay, I can dig up some more info from her.
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    Lauren EHUser is Offline
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    15 Feb 2012 08:17 AM
    I actually found out its port Angeles in Washington! My Coastie Alex has 9 more days of basic left woohoo never been so proud of someone! I want to go with him to Washington at then end of may! Does anyone know if that's a good idea? He has 2 years there he said and I figured I can just finish getting my associates degree once this semesters done, over there! I just got to go visit first and everything and try to get a good job and transfer schools and figure out living! What do you guys think?
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    15 Feb 2012 09:48 AM
    That's great! Sta Neah Bay kinda sucks for a non-rate! It is however, about 45 miles from Forks. She said a lot of the girls in her company were jealous of her because it was the "twilight zone". Pun intended.
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    Madison7863User is Offline
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    10 May 2016 11:48 PM
    My boyfriend started boot camp on April 19th and it scheduled to graduate June 10th. Being apart hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be but as we go into the 4th week I really miss him and I am having very tough days here and there. I know bootcamp isn't forever but then we will have to do long distance until we get married. I have a really hard time accepting that we can't be together.
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    11 May 2016 08:48 AM
    Madison, boot camp is the toughest. The communication and contact is so limited. But you'll find when he gets to his first station it won't seem as bad. You'll be able to email, text message, instant message, video chat, talk on the phone whatever. Yes, the distance still hurts when you want a hug but if you don't let it feel like you are apart, it isn't bad. You just have to keep it all in perspective. I know a child isn't the same as a boyfriend/fiancé but there are times people will ask when was the last time you saw your son... I actually have to look at a calendar to figure it out. We talk all the time, we are so close, we video chat while he is doing the dishes, whatever and it never feels like we've been apart for very long. I was also married to a Coastie. His first duty station was Kodiak, Alaska and we were from NJ. This was back in 1985 and had no instant anything back then. We still managed and it really wasn't horrible. We were apart like that for 14 months and when I look back on it, holidays sucked but overall, it really was only a small bump in the road.

    You'll see after he graduates boot how different "long distance" is when you compare boot camp to duty station. Hang in there.
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    14 May 2016 01:04 AM
    Old Guard2,
    Thank you so much for reply it is very helpful for me to hear from someone else about their experience. I can not wait till we are able to actually talk again. You are right it will just be a small bump in the road.
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