My wife was and still sorta is behind me to join the reserves.  However, now she is fence sitting.

Please make sure you and your wife completely understand what you are undertaking, and that you are on the same page, especially if you have children. You can be deployed for much longer than 6 months, btw; I am aware of reserve units getting ready to head overseas for a year.
( I am, by the way, a law enforcement officer's wife, a military brat, and a Coastie's mom.)

When you say 'legal field', do you mean that you are currently an LEO? Or a paralegal? A clerk?
ME is very specifically law enforcement. Are you interested in street work? Or would you prefer to study law? If that is the case, you may also wish to look at other, more academically oriented rates, such as MST, or IS, depending upon the specialties in which you might prefer to practice.

How much does your wife understand about the military in general? Has she gone with you to any meetings with recruiters? If she does not really 'get' military culture and life , even when it is theoretically part time, it may be very difficult for her to make a good decision to back you or not. Understand that less than 1% of our population serves in the military any more.
That leaves a substantial part of our culture with no frame of reference for things military.

Perhaps she should join this forum and ask some questions, too. From a wife's standpoint, I believe that the more confident she is, the more interests of her own she has, and the better her support (family, friends, church?), the better she would weather the demands upon your marriage.

Thanks KD.

I am a legal assistant in the Maritime legal field and want to learn more Maritime law and apply it. I like street work and academics.

I have told her what I know and she has asked her brother, another Coastie, some questions as well.
She asked me specifically how this was going to help the family. I told her that I would be gaining relevant experience to improve my qualifications in the legal field, either procedural or by changing fields into a LEO position.
I told her that it meant benefits and the chance for the kids to travel to places.

Mostly she is worried that I will be fired from my job for joining. Trust me I share that concern, but in an at will state I am still subject to the whims of the employer. USERRA helps a little and I have contacted the ombudsman for the state of Oregon with specific questions. The answers helped her feel better.

I am joining to keep the ports safe (I know what goes on there), to use my existing skill set for more than it is being used, and to make my families life a little bit better.

I have been upfront with everything 3 weeks at depot, then 10 weeks at A school, benefits, risks, rewards, insurance, ADD, DB, perks for families, etc... If I get deployed, well there is nothing I can do about that. I know the risk and the reward. The reward is worth more than risk. She asked if I was ready for the commitment of the reserve for the next "X" years. I told her I was and would not have gotten this far without accepting that commitment.

I do not want to leave my family for any length of time, but if I have to I would rather say to my kids that dad has to be a pirate for the next "X" months and stop the bad guys.

I am just rambling, but I hope that makes sense.

MOnkey,

I didn't realize you were in Oregon. My boyfriend is originally from Roseburg and I lived there for a while. His older brother lives in Ontario. His younger brother lives in Boise now but went to OSU and has been inducted into their sprts hall of fame for wrestling. I miss Oregon! I liked it there. I would move back... but once again, the thing that stops me is the work situation. I have a job here, not there. I'm afraid to just pick up and go in this economy.

@Old Guard:

Depending on your job/career it may be better to stay where you are. It is pretty stagnate here.

I have been at the same job for 6 years and not for lack of looking. Employers are looking for "perfect" candidates. How they define "perfect" is anybody's guess.

That is cool about the sports hall of fame. Did your hear that Chip Kelly at U of O was bought and paid for by a booster to stay another season?

The state is nice and a great place to raise a family, but it is terribly financially oppressive.

I admire your commitment and your patriotism
My question for your wife would be, is she willing to be a single parent for the length of your deployments? Please understand, I am not trying to discourage you--but you should be sure that her commitment is as well-thought-out as yours.

My husband was already a cop before we married. My dad was already in the military when my mom married him...we knew what we were getting into.
I have seen major changes like this be real dealbreakers in other marriages: an auto mechanic who decided in his thirties, with two kids, to go to a police academy. One of my husband's deputies (and a former Marine) who enlisted in Army NG in his thirties...who just last month returned from a year in the sandbox.

From the employer's point of view, it IS a hardship, though you have many legal protections, right-to-work state notwithstanding. My husband's entire agency is himself and two deputies. They weathered an effective 33% personnel deficiency during the deputy's deployment.

Does your wife see any upside to you serving as a reserve?

She does see the upside. She actually wanted me to go full time, but my age did not allow that (36 y.o.). She just wants to make sure that, in the end, the reward for her will outweigh the cost.

I told her that it will and that I am certain of it. I think that she is scared of being a single parent for the time that I am gone. Trust me that is something that I do not want to have to do, but she understands it.

I understand the hardship to the employer. It sucks. However, I cannot be forced to make life decisions because I am scared of the employer. Could the whole thing go south, sure, it could also not.

I have not signed any papers, but I feel that I am committed to this. Perhaps I am just being selfish, I do not know. I really want to go through with this, but not at the cost of the marriage.

What about getting your wife in touch with some other CG reserves' wives? Maybe your recruiter could help?

It is a huge thing to manage that household alone--from experience, when the dog gets run over , when the roof leaks, when Boy#1 falls out of a tree---it's always when Dad (or Mom, anymore) is overseas! She will need some backup, and trusted people she can go to with questions.

Maybe there is also someone you two could go to as a couple to talk this out thoroughly, from a relationship standpoint: a counselor, or minister, or an older couple who have 'been there'.

I'll contact the recruiter and see if there is someone the Portland Area that is reserve.

Good idea.

That's what Scott says about going back to Oregon. He just doesn't see how we would ever survive in Oregon now. But I love the Pacific Northwest and I miss it terribly.

Monkey,

Does your wife have family inthe area? If being a "single mom" for the time you are gone is a big concern for her perhaps it would help if you both discussed your plans with family members in the area.
If they are on board and willing to help, they know they might be called on the pick up the kids from school, babysit to give mom a break, make a dinner every now and again to help out, then perhaps some of her anxiety and feeling like she has been left alone will lessen.

I was in a bit of a differnt position as you as when my husband was sent over seas, I didn't have kids yet, I was pregnant though. Although I missed him alot I did make great use of that time by doing things for me. I went and saw movies I knew he'd never take me to. I hung out with my sister, on a one-on-one basis. I hadn't had the chance to do that in years, it really revived our sisterhood. I spent time with my in-laws. Funny how interactions can be different when they have to deal with you as a wife and mom when their son isn't around.
I learned how to change the oil in my car because we were so broke ( He was an E-2). I could barely fit under the car with my pregnant belly but I did it.

My wife does have family here. I am just not sure how willing they would be to help or rather how willing they would be to make themselves available to help.

They would probably do it for the kids, probably not for me though.

Not a popular guy with the in-laws Monkey? LOL My father-in-law wouldn't pee on me if I were on fire.

I think they would pee on me, grudgingly, but I think they would.

As long as the kids are looked after I know my wife can handle herself.

I sent some emails to Yellow Ribbon and the Ombudsman here in the state for some assistance with this and I found another forum for my wife to ask questions on. She is also on facebook, so I know she can find people that way too.