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So I'm gettin' married!
Last Post 09 Apr 2012 11:04 AM by captkyguy. 36 Replies.
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FloridaGirlUser is Offline
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FloridaGirl

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08 Mar 2012 07:39 PM
    So, in case you didn't know, I am tying the knot on March 24th.  Please share with me your advise and wisdom, oh wise ones!  For I am young and inexperienced in the ways of matrimony.

    (Seriously.  We are having a family only wedding, so there will be no guest book for people to leave us serious/funny tidbits in, and that makes me kind of sad)
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    08 Mar 2012 08:26 PM
    I didn't know it was so soon!!! Congratulations!!

    The classic never go to bed angry! Then what I keep telling Colin & Danielle... Communicate! Even if you are furious, talk! You'll always feel better if you just talk!!! The only other thing, I know you are doing long distance for a while... when you finally share a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom, the washing machine... Remember you are both pretty set in your ways and what you like and don't like... again communicate and compromise! And no matter how mad you might be, hold hands anyway. If you're holding hands you are connected and you can't stay mad.

    God bless both of you! I hope you have a lifetime of happiness!
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    CoochUser is Offline
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    08 Mar 2012 08:27 PM
    DON'T DO IT!!!!

    Hahaha just kidding. Congratulations! Hmmmm, advice? Trust me when I tell you that you don't need any advice to have success. You are a responsible and successful woman that is fully capable of making intelligent decisions, so I am confident that you know what you are doing. Luckily for you, you are both in the CG already and know all too well what to expect as far as transferring, home life, etc. I've been married for one day longer than I have been in the CG, and just like the CG, I couldn't imagine my life without my wife. It's a nice feeling to know that someone wants to spend the rest of their life with you. Make sure to share some wedding photos!

    You can meet the standard, or you can set the standard. It's your choice.
    captkyguyUser is Offline
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    08 Mar 2012 09:20 PM
    That is awesome...

    Excellent advice already shared not much to add there. As long as you two are the best of friends and do the things that friends do together it is all-good. Joni and I have been married for 28 soon to be 29 years and we do everything together, I do not go hang with the guys, I hang with her...my other tid bit of advice would be directed towards the lucky groom...once he understands that you are always right everything will work just prefect, seriously "yes dear you are right" works. Kids can be a pain in the rear end big time...needs to be a lot of give and take with those situations...

    Pictures are a must FloridaGirl...God Bless!
    I want to finally set it free, So show me how to see what Your mercy sees, Help me now to give what You gave to me...Forgiveness, Forgiveness
    FloridaGirlUser is Offline
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    08 Mar 2012 11:08 PM
    Macie, I love the holding hands advice. I will try it. Because if I am holding his hands I can't kill him But yes, we had a super short engagement (December). There were a few reasons for it, the CG being one. Gotta both be able to get off at the same time!

    Chief, I love the fact I can throw out a random assortment of letters and he knows what I am saying. He's been underway so when I get underway, he'll understand that too. It has been a challenge for both of us to learn where work ends and where home begins.

    Kyle, I am definitely marrying my best friend! It took him a couple months to convince me that we were dating (even though we saw each other every day). "Nah, we're just friends. I don't want to be in a relationship." Hahahaha.

    But I will definitely post lots of pictures when I get back. I am looking forward to spending 2 whole weeks together.
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
    janelleyfishUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 07:47 AM
    Congratulations! I'm not dual military, but I have noticed that it's much easier to fight about little things (things that you normally wouldn't fight about) right before he's about to get underway...simply because emotions are running high. Don't get underway while fighting, and don't fight over e-mail while underway. It just totally blows things out of proportion, since you can't convey tone via e-mail. Appreciate the little every day things that most couples take for granted - maintaining a long distance relationship while underway helps with this. Make an effort to listen, really listen, whenever he's talking to you. And don't let anyone, no matter who they are (even family), pass judgement on your marriage just because they don't understand how it works, or because it works differently than theirs. Best wishes!
    KDUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 07:53 AM
    Base your relationship on something bigger than you. It's commitment, not feeling, that matters. There will be times you don't like each other, but that shouldn't matter. Stick with it, pulling in the same direction, and you will get through it and be better for it.
    Trust each other. Expect the best, even when it's not obvious. Be slow to take offense and quick to praise.

    Congratulations! We are happy for you!
    GearsUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 07:57 AM
    Congrats FG!

    Advice? I have a little to spare.. If you want something just tell him. Be direct. "Derp, my birthday/bar mitzvah/Tuesday is coming up. Make it special." His response will likely be, "Herp, thy will be done." Expecting him to always do the things you want him to do and getting upset when he doesn't do them when you haven't told him what you want is counterproductive.

    If he's doing something that bothers you, just tell him. Be direct. "Derp, I don't like kissing you after you smoke cigars because it's like licking an ashtray. Total turnoff."

    The point is, just tell him what you want. And, listen when he tells you what he wants.

    Best of luck to you both!

    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    srf13User is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 07:59 AM
    Good luck. 10 years under my belt here. Almost didn't make it. Takes constant work, organization, and faith.
    KDUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:09 AM
    Gears, that was perfect! Seriously---guys DO NOT get hints. Just tell him, even to exactly what you want for a gift . I got the best Christmas present ever this year, 25 years in, because I just said so...and even told him where to order it. My DH was the youngest of 3 brothers, so there was not going to be any 'intuition' going on. He had no frame of reference for females at all. (I tried to fix that with my son...they can be taught, up to a point!)
    Plan personal time too, and treat it as sacred. Don't let other things / people encroach on that time.
    You can't do anything about the work stuff, and that makes your time and attention to each other that much more important.
    GearsUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:13 AM
    Trust each other.


    All the points to you, KD!
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    janelleyfishUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:13 AM
    +1 Gears
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:22 AM
    While you are starting out as a long distance marriage and when you are together you will relish the time... Once you are living together and are with each other always then remember some me time! I liked bowling, Jimmy liked shooting pool. I had my league night for bowling, he had his for pool. It was a nice night out for me with friends, it was a nice night out for him with friends. Otherwise we did things together. But we also remembered to respect a little space for each other. If we wanted to go out and brag how wonderful our spouse was or if we wanted to go out and complain what a pain in the neck our spouse was... we let each other have that one night a week to do it! No reprecussions or hurt feelings or thinking he/she wants to go out without me... nope, just a night to play with friends & keep our own individuality a little.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    FloridaGirlUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:24 AM
    Oh, such good advice from everyone! Janelley, I already feel you about the fighting. Stress is so high for me right now (planning this wedding is stressful, and I am so glad it's small, but I'm having a "personnel" issue at work too) and I pick fights over stupid stuff. It's not fair, and I really need to get better at this. Because if the situation was reversed, I would have left my ass a long time ago! I don't know how he does it.

    KD, I probably should use a little more praise thank you. And almost-DH is the middle of 3 brothers, so yes. He's clueless. He told me to wear blue eyeshadow on our wedding day because blue is one of our colors. Uh.....how about no? (I'm a brunette with brown eyes, this would look silly)

    Gears, he's always telling me that. I still seem to think I can get away with hints. So, I think I will call him "Derp" from now on. That was the point, right?

    Srf13, yes, it definitely takes work. To the people that say their relationship is just "natural" I say bull-cocky.
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
    FloridaGirlUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:27 AM
    Posted By Old Guard2 on 09 Mar 2012 09:22 AM
    While you are starting out as a long distance marriage and when you are together you will relish the time... Once you are living together and are with each other always then remember some me time! I liked bowling, Jimmy liked shooting pool. I had my league night for bowling, he had his for pool. It was a nice night out for me with friends, it was a nice night out for him with friends. Otherwise we did things together. But we also remembered to respect a little space for each other. If we wanted to go out and brag how wonderful our spouse was or if we wanted to go out and complain what a pain in the neck our spouse was... we let each other have that one night a week to do it! No reprecussions or hurt feelings or thinking he/she wants to go out without me... nope, just a night to play with friends & keep our own individuality a little.

    He says this is one of the biggest reasons he loves me. "You want me to have my own life!"  I grew up with my dad gone every third day, and I really see that that helped my parents.  Mom got her nights with the house to herself or for friends a couple times a week, dad got to see the guys at the station, or see them in the afternoon while mom was gone.  Now that dad's retired...well.....mom just wants him to love her a little less!
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
    janelleyfishUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:28 AM
    LOL about the blue eye shadow!!
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:32 AM
    Blue eye shadow!!! Are you having a retro 70's wedding? We ABSOLUTELY need pictures of that!!!!

    My mom would throw me & my dad out of the house every Saturday morning. She would clean, quite happily, in her house, all alone, stereo blasting, her singing. My dad & I would do the flea market or go for lunch or go to the park or whatever we wanted. It gave my mom peace & quiet, it gave my dad time out to just have fun, it gave my dad & I a relationship that to this day is second to none... Not every single thing has to be done together. I'm glad you both like that and appreciate a little me time!
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    GearsUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 08:44 AM
    So, I think I will call him "Derp" from now on. That was the point, right?


    Um... yeah.
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    KDUser is Offline
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    09 Mar 2012 09:02 AM
    Blue eyeshadow.... o.O

    FloridaGirl, one of DH's friends gave me a cat when we first got married. He had never had a cat, only dogs.
    I told him, "If you watch that cat, you will learn more about women than you will, ever, by readiing any book."
    He gets it now.
    And one of the things about a cat is, if it wants attention --- it will be rotten, if it has to. Negative attention is better than being ignored! I don't always realize I'm doing this, either, when I'm freaked about some outside issue. But DH has learned, finally, to simply say, without getting angry first, "You're being mean, and you're taking this out on me. Stop it." Oh. Well. Um, okay.

    Learning to fight fair is a big deal. Old proverb..."A gentle answer turns away wrath..."
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    wepprop

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    09 Mar 2012 02:27 PM
    Young men think young women are just like them except with a different outer mold line. Young women think young men have telepathic powers and should always know what will make them (the young women) happy.

    The truth, of course, is that men are about as much like women as Intel is like AMD: Completely different hardware and firmware. Young men haven't the slightest idea what makes a young woman happy unless they do something by accident that makes her smile.

    Besides, the only thing approaching a supernatural power that young men have is the ability to spot an attractive female at extremely long range. This talent does not go away after marriage or with advancing age, which leads to an entirely new set of problems.

    Reading "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" probably saved my marriage; I recommend it to both sexes.
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    09 Mar 2012 02:34 PM
    DITTO on the 'Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus'. I'm as far as you can get from a fluffy, talk about feelings guy as you can get, but that book pretty much NAILED my outlook on relationships. I think John Grey is a eunich, but he wrote a hell of a book. LMAO! 

    He may even be Maltese!


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    09 Mar 2012 06:41 PM
    Wepprop, sounds like something my mom's always siad "They're taken, not dead."
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
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    wepprop

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    09 Mar 2012 09:18 PM
    A very wise woman, your mother. Occasionally, my wife notices that I have acquired and transitioned to track mode, and she whacks me on the shoulder. When that happens, I tell her that the day I don't look at a beautiful girl is the day my eyes aren't moving. But weapons are not free - I'm very much taken.
    FloridaGirlUser is Offline
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    FloridaGirl

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    11 Mar 2012 12:54 AM
    Yes, my mom is always swatting a bug off my dad's head for something.
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
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    11 Mar 2012 06:00 PM
    FG are you getting married in Alaska? I turned my facebook off a while ago so I have been out of the facebook creeping loop.
    FloridaGirlUser is Offline
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    11 Mar 2012 10:10 PM
    Orlando. I'm gettin' off this island!
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
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    19 Mar 2012 07:09 AM
    Short answer: Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'

    Longer answer: Congratulations! And thank you - finally a topic on this board that a n00b can be part of.

    Marriage is more about becoming a better human than it is about the two people being happy.

    I am not saying that happiness isn't important. I am saying you need to be responsible for your own happiness. He should not be. He cannot be. It is an unreasonable expectation for him to be your sole source of happiness. [I would hope that you would use him to make you happy.]

    I stole this quote for a http://www.simplemarriage.net
    For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to
    say to your spouse, “This is me. I’m not proud of it — in fact, I’m a little embarrassed by it — but this is who
    I am. ~ Bill Hybels

    What I like about SimpleMarriage is a lot of their advice is valid even if you do not believe that growing spiritually is an important part of marriage.

    And +1 for communication and hand holding.

    FloridaGirlUser is Offline
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    19 Mar 2012 09:54 PM
    Thank you! And very good advice as well That quote is something I really need to take to heart.

    But that's it, I'm off. See ya'll in 2 weeks. I am not ruining this vacation with electronics.
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
    captkyguyUser is Offline
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    20 Mar 2012 04:45 AM
    Enjoy floridagirl...Congrats!
    I want to finally set it free, So show me how to see what Your mercy sees, Help me now to give what You gave to me...Forgiveness, Forgiveness
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    20 Mar 2012 05:45 AM
    +1 Enjoy floridagirl...Congrats!

    +1 I am not ruining this vacation with electronics.
    And if I remember honeymooning correctly there shouldn't be time for electronics anyway
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