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Nervous Girlfriend
Last Post 12 Oct 2013 02:13 PM by OneDayAtATime. 7 Replies.
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AngiePavlovskyUser is Offline
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AngiePavlovsky

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22 Jul 2013 10:49 PM
    Ok so I'm not the first girl nor the last that will have to deal with her boyfriend joining the military.... however I am abit nervous of my life drastically changing in the course of the next couple months and I'm looking for some advice on how to transition into the life of a military girlfriend (hopefully military wife eventually teheee )

    I met Mike in the sixth grade and it truly was love at first sight. Many believe I was way to young to even know what love was yet but it was like a piece of me lit up and I havent gotten to shut up since lol Middle School relationships arnt the most practical and approaching high school I moved so we just stayed friends. We were best friends for years telling each other everything and guiding each other through countless bad relationships one after the other. He always seemed to know just how each of my relationships would end, to this day I will never understand how he knew but I think a piece of me knew it was because my heart truly did belong to him. He realized alittle bit sooner how the cards were supposed to fall as he practically begged me everyday for two months to just go on one date with him. Finally gave in and we have been together ever since.

    4 years have past since that date and I never knew it was possible for me to feel such love toward another person. When he told me his plans to drop out of college and join the Coast Guard I felt my whole world come crumbling down. I was terrified, sick to my stomach, and worst of all speechless. As a journalism major I didnt know the world speechless was even possible for me. Immediately everything he would miss ran through my head... my birthday, holidays, and my college graduation just a year away...

    It has been acouple months and I have become more stable to excepting his decision but Im still nervous as ever to watch the guy I love ship off. He is taking his ASVAB Monday so I just wanted to know how some of you guys handle this 
    - How did you manage with the silence for the 5 weeks of boot camp? What did you do to cope with the quiet?
    - Whats life like after your coastie gets stationed
    - Stationing? Like if he gets put on a boat how long can he be gone?
    - Do those surprise visits on Youtube really happen? lol

    Or even just share your story Id love to know it

    Im just a girl looking for answers and advice. I know at 20 years old most say your still young but i truly believe I've already found my soulmate and Im so proud of him and everything he is accomplishing I just want to know alittle more
    Thanks,
    xoxo Angie


    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    23 Jul 2013 07:04 AM
    Well I feel like I know you... You're a journalism major? Who would have guessed, you hardly write anything for us to be able to answer. LOL

    I was you once, a long time ago. I was dating my best friend, we got engaged. He was in a job I didn't like and I told him something had to change. So he enlisted in the Coast Guard. Oh boy, what was I going to do with that?!?!?! Well it all worked out and we married. This was back in 1985. I'll tell you, you would have it easier for a whole lot of reasons now. Email, cell phones, Skype... There was none of that when I was living in NJ and he got his first orders to Kodiak, Alaska. We didn't even have answering machines. So if I called his barracks room and he was out, all I got was a ringing sound. It was tough. But we managed, we did that for 13 months before we married. There were days it SUCKED! Most of the time it was ok and we did alright together.

    As far as the 5 weeks... make that more like 6. The phone call at week 5 is nothing more than "I got my orders... I'm going to________" Click. Maybe a little longer than that but nothing more than that. Week 6, if earned, they receive on base liberty. Then you can talk for the entire time if you both like. They do also just enjoy heading to the e club for burgers, fries, play a little pool, watch a movie. This is when shipmates who have been through hell can spend a little time just relaxing. So if he doesn't want to spend EVERY minute of that time talking to you, understand these are people that are very important to him. Week 7, again if earned, is off base liberty. This time they can go into town, over to Wildwood, walk the boardwalk, have something to eat, call home... then on Friday GRADUATION!

    There is a saying about boot camp for us back at home... The days will drag by but the weeks will fly. It is very true. Before you even realize it graduation will be here and you'll get to see him. Yes, those YouTube visits do happen. I'm on a closed facebook group for Moms of Coasties and a lot of moms get surprises from their Coasties. It is always fun to see pictures of other moms all red eyed and smiling huge because their Coastie just showed up on the doorstep unexpectedly. So yes, they do happen.

    You might have noticed I said I married my Coastie and I'm a Coastie mom. Yep, I gave birth to one, too. My ex-husband is still in the Coast Guard, just shy of 30 years now. He is a Captain in the CG and loves it. I loved my CG wife life. When my son wasn't sure what he was going to do, we both encouraged him to look into the CG. He did and now he is a Coastie, more than 4 years now, married, stationed in Seattle. He loves it and wants to make a 30 year career like his dad.

    Any other questions, let us know. Be prepared, he is only just starting the recruiting journey... it could go quickly, more than likely it could take a while. Anywhere from 6-48 months in some cases before he will leave for boot camp. So don't write him off for missing too many things right away. But be prepared if he does miss some things. Believe me, it will hurt him to not be there so try not to be too hard on him when he isn't there. My sons fiancee graduated from college and he was in A school. She was in Boston, MA... He was in Petaluma, CA. He wanted to be there but it just was not possible. Her bridal shower, I know she was missing him. But his ship was underway. Well her mom planned a surprise. After Danielle finished opening the gifts her sister said there was one more thing and she got out a computer out. There was a recorded message from my son from Costa Rica. He told her how much he loved her and wished he could be there to celebrate with everyone but he looked forward to seeing them all at the wedding in May. Needless to say my daughter-in-law and I were both crying.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    GearsUser is Offline
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    Gears

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    23 Jul 2013 09:46 AM
    Taking the ASVAB doesn't mean he's getting in, so you can relax. The process can be quite lengthy. Once he's fully qualified and his recruiter is submitting a reservation you can start making future plans. Until then he's just another applicant in a legion vying for a very limited number of spaces.
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    LauraDKUser is Offline
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    24 Jul 2013 07:14 AM
    Backpacking on what Gears said:
    A friend of mine is just about to get out of boot camp and he took his ASVAB about 16 months ago. So you two will probably have a decent amount of time together before he leaves. Maybe you WILL be a Coastie wife by then
    "Zombieland Rule #32- Enjoy the little things."
    elliemarie1983User is Offline
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    01 Aug 2013 11:22 AM
    The heart just knows what the heart wants and it seems that you guys have gone through quite a bit to stick together and that’s a good thing to hear if the Coast Guard or any military branch is what your boyfriend is thinking about.

    I’m new to the Coast Guard world myself as my husband is just about to finish boot camp, two weeks left yay (go November-188!) But, I am a prior service wife, my husband spent 5 years in the Marines and we were married for two of those.

    I’ll tell you part of being a military wife/girlfriend is about picking your battles. There are going to be times where you really want your boyfriend/husband home with you and he simply can’t be. For example, my husband and I are celebrating three years of marriage this year (yay!) we have yet to celebrate one of those together on our actual date ha-ha. Our first anniversary he was stationed in Okinawa, Japan so all he could do was send flowers, heck he and had to get leave to come home and get married ha-ha! At that point we were still apart for about 10 months before the wedding and then after we were apart for 6 months, I went to Japan for a month, and then we were apart again for 7 months until he got PCS’ed (permanent change of station) to Camp Pendleton in California, anyone else HATE unaccompanied orders? haha, rhetorical. ANYWAYS, the point is, don’t fight about it don’t get mad about it. If you have to pout about it do so and get it out of your system and move on. Don’t take it out on him OR yourself. You’ll save yourselves a lot of arguments that will lead back to he simply can’t be there so it’s best to just accept that this is part of how your life will be.

    The first thing I tell military girlfriends/wives is find your independence. If you can’t find it then don’t bother because this lifestyle is about being independent. If you are very co-dependent you’re not going to be happy. This is just being honest and handing out some real talk. As far as how to deal and get through the quiet with him being in boot camp, simply put, it’s just keeping busy. Work, volunteer, spend time with friends and family. I do a lot of volunteer work with the USO which is nice because most of the people that help out know the military life or are currently living it so they’ll get it when you vent and they’ll understand what you’re venting about haha. OH! And it’s not all radio silence when he’s in boot camp, just mostly. You’ll still get letters from him they get divine hours on Sunday to get things like uniforms squared away, racks made, cleaning, letter writing and time to go to chapel if they want and around week six when he gets on/off base liberty leave he’ll get to talk to you on the phone. Which is especially fun because around that time you’ll be planning the trip to see each other for graduation, which is a REALLY cool ceremony might I add.

    When it comes to duty stations expect that he will inevitably be spending time away. Sometimes it’s a night or two sometimes it can be a couple weeks/month. It really depends on the Cutter he gets assigned too (if he does) and the units job and his rating. I’m sorry I can’t be clear on this, but it’s a tough one to really answer and I haven’t had to deal with it just yet. My husband got assigned the CGC Katmai Bay in Sault Sainte Marie, MI. I know it’s an Ice cutter and it’s a busy port so he’ll spend quite a few winters out on the ice for a couple of weeks at a time. So that’s when you really get down to finding out about the town your in, make some friends, go out and find fun stuff to do so that when your honey gets back (and after a long sleep, trust me let him sleep haha) you can show him what you found and explore together. Remember there are lonely days, but they lead to fun nights hahahaha.

    Old Guard2 has it right… the days are long, but the weeks fly by. It’s a really crazy life style that isn’t for everyone. So don’t go into it lightly. I say that with an open heart. It’s hard sometimes and you’ll get frustrated and want to cry and want to be angry and the only person that’s there is the one that can’t always be there and taking it out on him will only frustrate you both. So bare in mind he’ll miss birthdays, he’ll miss anniversaries, he’ll miss parties, BUT there are other days, and you can always celebrate milestones on another day because your partner is there with you through thick and thin and that is what matters the most. Just really keep your chin up and be positive, you’re not the only one that will be sad/angry/annoyed that he’s going to miss these things too, he’s right there with ya.

    As far as the youtube surprises, they definitely happen. We surprised my husbands mom when he got home from Japan. She just thought she was getting a visit from me, well she was sure blown away when Rob was there in his dress blues. Hey, if you’re gonna surprise someone might as well go big and break out the sweet duds. She hadn’t seen him since our wedding and that was well over a year before. Needless to say she was in tears and there was a lot of clapping and hugs. I’d just also like to interject something here about the youtube surprises that most civilians don’t get. While they’re amazing, you do need to respect what that couple had to go through up to that point. The days/months/even a year or so of being apart all colliding in that moment of pure joy and surprise. While wonderful and fun to see you have to respect what that couple went through to get to that moment. A former Navy friend of mine had brought that up when he thought his girlfriend wasn’t respecting the hardship that spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends/family go through. You see she loves the surprise videos too and never experienced the military life, she met her boyfriend after he was done with the Navy. So he needed her to understand that it’s cute and all, but it’s hard life and to respect that. I’m not saying at all don’t find it cute and wonderful because oh lord is it amazing!!! Just respect it too ;o) I hope that clears up some stuff and this is all real talk from a been there done that wife who’s going to be doing the been there done that thing again.

    P.S. The others have it right, it can take MONTHS for him to go through doing the ASVAB, MEPS, getting a ship date. So keep that in mind. My hubby had a 6 month wait for his ship date.
    AngiePavlovskyUser is Offline
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    AngiePavlovsky

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    01 Aug 2013 09:11 PM
    I could not thank everyone enough for their kindness and responses

    Alittle Update: Mike passed his ASVAB in the 78 percentile making him eligible for 17/19 jobs of the coast guard Yay super proud. However his recruiter told him he can be shipping off to bootcamp as soon as October!! ahh so quick

    Im glad I will have this community behind me and if I'm ever feeling lonely there are a group of great women here to help me through<3

    Lots of Love
    Angie
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    02 Aug 2013 08:02 AM
    Excellent news! Just hang in there. If he does go in October, that would be great. And yep, if you need anything, stop on by. We will be happy to help, talk, answer, chat... whatever!
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    OneDayAtATimeUser is Offline
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    OneDayAtATime

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    12 Oct 2013 02:13 PM
    Hi Angie, did your boyfriend ship this month yet? Mine shipped Oct. 8.
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