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The death of a parent...
Last Post 28 Aug 2013 01:10 PM by LauraDK. 6 Replies.
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LauraDKUser is Offline
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LauraDK

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25 Aug 2013 05:12 AM
    Considering this is a public forum, I will spare you all the personal info and dramatic parts. I'm not looking for sympathy in this matter, but advice would be greatly appreciated.

    My mother has been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer and was already in extremely poor health to start off with, so things are not looking good at all. As things stand now I'm probably going to be at my current station (only an hour away from my parents, thankfully) for another 6-8 months or so. My father, who lives with her and is retired, would be pretty much alone except for his fishing buddies and co-workers when she passes.

    QUESTION 1: After things wind down, and whatever happens happens, I would like to ask my father to move in with me and go with me and my husband wherever I'm stationed. I dont want him to be all alone in NY if i get stationed in TX or CA or something. Especially after the death of his wife! I'm not asking for extra BAH at all, considering he still has some social security/retirement funds etc, but i would like him and his things to be able to move with me when i PCS. Probably his dog and cat too.

    Has anyone else dealt with this? Does anyone else have a parent traveling with them? Are there any other logistics involved?

    QUESTION 2: My name is also on an a-school list. What is the procedure if a parent dies/is critically hospitalized when you have orders or are IN a-school?


    Again, any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
    "Zombieland Rule #32- Enjoy the little things."
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    Old Guard2

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    25 Aug 2013 06:40 AM
    Make sure living with you is something your father would want. Don't just assume, I know my father would be very upset with me. It might not seem like it is enough but fishing buddies and co-workers may make your father very content. He might not want to leave his house, friends, life.

    As far as him moving with you, it is a free country, he can live anywhere. Except on a military installation. With the current climate and it looking more and more like where is housing is available there are no options, he can't live with you. So you have him give up everything at home then you get transferred somewhere there is housing... then what???? They won't move his stuff, if you are overweight, it will cost you.

    You would need to have him as your dependent. Sounds like he is healthy and sound mind... having him as your dependent will not be easy, if that's the case.

    As far as A school, you would be able to go home should you need to attend a funeral for a parent. If I remember correctly, you are going yeoman? That is a very short A school, 6-8 weeks I believe. Missing a week might cause a problem but I think they would work with you. I am very sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she is comfortable and it is good you are close. Prayers for her and your family.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    BellsUser is Offline
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    Bells

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    25 Aug 2013 11:25 AM
    Building off of what OG said yes he can live with you and for his stuff to come with it pretty much already needs to be on site with your other stuff. And then again, you can't be overweight (your allotted weight allowance). When I was a nonrate I was in a situation where my mom was asking to move in with me, however I still lived on the cutter. I asked the yoeman if she could become my dependant and basically its a no.

    She didn't end up moving out there but we would have had to pay for everything since I was a nonrate living on the cutter.

    They estimate that each room of furniture is about 1, 000 pounds. So for my move a one bedroom fully furnture apartment came to about 2500-3000 lbs and I think my weight limit was 5, 000. You get more though since you are married. So I think it is doable.
    Take what you like and leave the rest behind.
    LauraDKUser is Offline
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    LauraDK

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    26 Aug 2013 06:25 PM
    Thank you for the advice.

    Again, I'm planning for the worst, but hoping for the best.


    "Zombieland Rule #32- Enjoy the little things."
    LauraDKUser is Offline
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    LauraDK

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    28 Aug 2013 09:33 AM
    I mentioned this to a shipmate and he suggested that when I go to A-school (or even before hand) I speak to a detailer and tell them I have a personal 'hardship' and try and get a station as close to my parents as possible. I unserstand that if there are NO billets open then im out of luck in this respect, but if there is something open would a detailier do this for me if i qualify?
    "Zombieland Rule #32- Enjoy the little things."
    FloridaGirlUser is Offline
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    28 Aug 2013 10:11 AM
    http://usmilitary.about.com/od/navy...tarian.htm

    This references the old Personnel Manual, and I'm not at work to try to find the new one for you. But you'd have to prove that your father needs a caretaker, not simply you don't want him to be alone. Which, I completely understand and I am sorry you are going through this, but I really don't think the CG will see this as a HUMS issue. I personally would try it because you never know. Also, when you are at a-school and you have a billet list, if you don't qualify for a HUMS, there may be a close by billet. Put it down in your remarks why you want it, or if your class sorts it out on their own, bring it up. A girl in the a-school class ahead of me was in a similar situation and the class decided to let her have the billet that was 1 state away from her mother.

    Also, I would get in contact with your Work-life person. They will be a great source of info for you. I have used them in the past because we needed help finding care for my grandmother.
    Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.
    LauraDKUser is Offline
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    LauraDK

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    28 Aug 2013 01:10 PM
    I was actually thinking the hardship would be more if my mother was in the hospital or decreasing in health, but not gone when i get my billet. It would be for her care and management, not neccesarily my fathers.
    "Zombieland Rule #32- Enjoy the little things."
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