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Coast Guard Girlfriend Concerns
Last Post 21 Mar 2014 01:46 PM by mermaids. 4 Replies.
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mermaidsUser is Offline
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21 Mar 2014 12:03 PM
    I have been dating my coastie for about 8 months now and this is our second patrol. The first one was right after we started dating (like two or three months) and now we are finishing up the second one. This is his first year in the CG too. Now that this second patrol is coming to an end, he is now in a place with cell service so we can talk that way instead of email. But, I have noticed he has been a bit distant. I vaguely remember this happening the first time and then it went back to normal but I was just wondering if this is normal and what I should be doing for him. I'm not trying to be overbearing at all but I also don't want to be neglectful either. It's hard to read his mind or know how he is feeling. I'm sure he is still busy everyday and overwhelmed and also has parents he needs to answer to so the last thing I want to do is be too needy.
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    21 Mar 2014 12:31 PM
    Everyone approaches patrols in their own way. This is his first year in the CG, so I'm going to assume this is also his 2nd deployment ever in the CG, not just the 2nd since you've been dating???? Each patrol, even for seasoned veterans, can present unique and challenging situations. For a newbie, it will absolutely give him new perspective on things. It isn't easy and I don't think either of you are being neglectful. I think it is just a learning and balancing curve. You will either figure it out and know what to expect from one another or it just won't work out. One of you will want more or less than the other is willing to concede to. It takes time, sometimes years to figure out just where that balance is.

    Your best bet... When he gets home, go some place where there is no distraction, not a sports bar, not a buddies house, not the gym... Just somewhere you can sit down and give each other undivided attention. Ask. Say you aren't pressuring him to call you every minute of the day but what is underway like. Why does it seem communication isn't what it is when you are face to face? Let him answer without being made to feel guilty. Then tell him where you are coming from, again without making him feel guilty. Asking us why isn't going to get you any specific answers. Ask him. If someone is worth having, you will work at it to keep each other. this is what you need to do. Good luck... Feel free to throw any questions out and we will be happy to answer. Hopefully there isn't much time left to this patrol. We've all been there done that on some level.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    mermaidsUser is Offline
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    21 Mar 2014 01:14 PM
    Yes, you are correct - this is his second deployment ever. And I think he enjoyed this one a bit more than the first one because now he is qualified and is doing more things that he wants to be doing. 

    That is great advice that one of us will want more/less. 

    Luckily there really is not much longer left until he's back and hopefully by then he will be back to his cheery self. I think he is just so ready to be back and it's just bringing him down. I can hear it in his voice. He's just drained So I just try to stay positive with him and also try to give him things to look forward to as well. Like different activities I have planned for us to do and whatnot. 

    Thank you for your advice! 
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    21 Mar 2014 01:22 PM
    More than happy to help. It probably is some level of exhaustion as well. It is a long time, even the smaller cutters, to be crammed into that little birthing area and be with the same people for 30, 60, 90 days or more. You just want to go someplace else for dinner, go to Wal-Mart, pick up some chicken and people watch in the park... But you are stuck on a bucket in the middle of the ocean. It has to take a lot of mental energy to get through it. Then when he is home he can relax and enjoy life a little.

    Being qualified is a great thing! That will make patrols more interesting and give him more opportunities. So that might even perk up the mood when the next one rolls around. Just remember to enjoy each other when you are both standing on dry ground together.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
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    21 Mar 2014 01:46 PM
    Sometimes I really can't even imagine everything he goes through but it makes me respect him so much more and be that much more proud of him. 

    Another obstacle we have is even when he is back we are still in a bit of a "long distance" relationship. We are just about two hours apart so it's really not terrible but sometimes it does make it quite difficult to see each other between my work schedule and his (which fluctuates a lot more than mine) And this coming up month we both are doing a lot of traveling so it might be another solid month before we can actually see each other. I think right when he gets back we will have a few days together but then right after it will be a month that we will be apart again. I haven't complained to him about it at all because that doesn't help the situation at all but it can just really suck!
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