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7 yr GF to a coastie
Last Post 03 Jul 2014 11:59 PM by Bells. 4 Replies.
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magnum523User is Offline
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magnum523

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02 Jul 2014 09:48 PM
    My boyfriend of 7 years enlisted into the uscg right after high school. There is not a time where I can say that it wasn't rough on both of us but we made it through. I stayed busy with school and he was able to explore the world on a cutter. After his 5 years being active he decided to go into the reserves to try to audition for the state police. After ~2 years of being in he reserves and not having the satisfaction of a career/ getting selected for the state police he re-enlisted and is now in WI. This time around is much different. We are 23 now and my boyfriend sees it that if I don't relocate with him our relationship is over. We have done long distance before and  he does not see it as an option. We both love each other very much, both thought we will marry each other but honestly I am torn and need some advice. 

    This time I am able to go with him but as many gf we must leave our career and family to live theirs. He is offering to support me and continue our relationship that will now be a military relationship. So what is stopping me? The lack of confidence in making a decision and all the time that I will be alone when he is assigned another cutter that goes underway for 3 months.  I know it is what you make of it not everyone has the luxury to travel. Overall, I am concerned and uncertain if I will be happy as a military wife, or if I will be happy if we break up and not give it a chance.  

    My question to you is when you think back to when you decided to leave your current life behind for love, do you have any regrets? Would you do it again or live life as a civilian?  Any advice/ comments will be helpful and appreciate you taking the time to read my post as this is the first blog I am expressing our hardship. 

    I would also like to thank the other girlfriends/wives who have posted. We can keep each other strong and am thankful that I found this blog. 
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    Old Guard2

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    02 Jul 2014 11:00 PM
    I'm divorced from my Coastie but I have to honestly say there isn't one thing I would change. Following my Coastie was great. I got to see places most people can't even dream about. And I didn't just vacation in those spots, I lived there, I experienced there. I'm 48 now, I have friends from high school that are still in our hometown, some still in the same house they came home to the hospital from. I know one girl, never leaves a 3 county surrounding area.

    No one can tell you if you'll like it, love it or despise it. But you have a decision to make. I will provide this one thing of absolute advice... If you decide to break it off, then break it off and leave it alone. If you decide to follow them go with full heart and happy attitude. If it works, great, fabulous, have an amazing journey and life. If it doesn't work, that happens but don't ever throw it in each other's face "I did this for you... you ruined my life." Nope, accept that you tried and it wasn't what you thought it would be. Nothing will eat at a soul like being pissed off and holding a grudge.
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    BellsUser is Offline
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    Bells

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    03 Jul 2014 12:58 PM
    I honestly have not seen many long distance relationships work with the guys in the coast guard. Eventually the strain of being long distance causes the wife to end it.... not so much the guy.

    The wives basically cannot put up with being long distance and blame the spouses decision to stay in the coast guard which causes all of the strain. Ive seen relationships where the husband and wife are physically together in one house and whether or not the CG spouse is on a ship or not, be successful. The CG spouse for the most part spends the time nurturing the relationship and is excited to go home. If there is no one to go home to, and seeing that person takes having to take leave a few times a year... in my opinion it wouldn't be the best situation.

    Ive been in several relationships since being in. One was with another guy on another boat and we only saw eachother a few times a year a couple weeks at a time when both our ships were in port. That completely blew. and it ended when we both transfered.

    Now I have a boyfriend who, as we talk about the future, obviously he shows some hesitation on me staying in and having to move every 3-4 years. So I tell him, to keep everything sane, each time we come up on a transfer we will weigh the pros and cons of moving or staying where we were and getting out. In my opinion having a happy family is going to make me happy. Getting out of course would be scary but Im a smart gal and can handle change.


    One thing to keep in mind, the new Commandant has been seen on video stating that he would like to start implementing homesteading as an option for transfer seasons. So, being able to stay in one area, could become an element that the detailers will have to look at when making the decision for someones next transfer.
    Take what you like and leave the rest behind.
    Old Guard2User is Offline
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    03 Jul 2014 03:21 PM
    I'm the opposite of most spouses... Long distance didn't cause our problems... Close proximity did! LOL
    Sector NY, Staten Island
    BellsUser is Offline
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    03 Jul 2014 11:59 PM
    lol as i was writing that i was like in my head "macie was different yes".
    Take what you like and leave the rest behind.
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