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Dealing with long distance relationships
Last Post 01 Nov 2016 08:11 PM by nicolette12. 16 Replies.
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YculromUser is Offline
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Yculrom

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10 Oct 2016 11:02 PM
    Hello everyone! First time writing on here! I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and now he moved 6 1/2 hours away from me. For the next 6 months or so he'll be there until he goes to A school. Any advice on long distance relationship in the military?

    Thank you
    m1ashooterUser is Offline
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    11 Oct 2016 10:56 AM
    Trust is key to any relationship especially a long distance one. Also don't place yourself in a situation that might break that trust. Video chats make it easier.
    blaneyparkUser is Offline
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    11 Oct 2016 01:10 PM
    He will have weekends off, work it out that each drive half the distance and meet where ever that is. Cell phone face time alot of options. Six months go by fast is you keep your self busy. My next question would be how about when he is in school there is another seperation.
    lexi714User is Offline
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    12 Oct 2016 08:30 AM
    Hey I'm about to be in a long distance relationship as well as my boyfriend of 2 years will be about 5 hours away from me at A-School, and then we don't know where yet after that. One thing people have kept telling me is if its meant to be, it will be and everything will work out. Its not an ideal situation but if you love each other it will be worth it. Feel free to talk to me if you need any advice or anything we can go through this together!!
    Cute8pieUser is Offline
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    27 Oct 2016 12:57 PM
    Hello, You're not alone! My partner will be leaving for boot camp on the 15th of November. We won't be able to celebrate any of our 1st holidays together including our 1st year anniversary, which is January 1st. I have my concerns and worries, but as everyone especially me, is so excited and proud of her for this new journey she took thats all I can do is support her and hope for the best.
    m1ashooterUser is Offline
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    27 Oct 2016 11:39 PM
    One key thing to remember is in the military the mission comes first. While a happy home is important to the service member and the service branches do their best to to help their people, the fact is the mission comes first. Understanding this can make things easier. Also holidays, family dates etc happen when you can make them happen. Christmas doesn't have to be celebrated on December 25th or an anniversary celebrated on the actual day. Flexibility is the key to a long relationship and understanding.

    I say this because I've been married to the same person for 35 years with a third of the time in the USAF.
    BellsUser is Offline
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    Bells

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    28 Oct 2016 04:19 PM
    Communicating as often as possible I think is key. My ex and I were dating for 2.5 years and recently were separated for 8 months while he got a job in the location we were transferring to and then for about another 6 weeks while I was on patrol. While I was on patrol we kind of fell apart. We did better being able to talk every day while we lived an ocean apart than when it was only based on email from the patrol. It was his first time taking over the household and dealing with things as a dependent almost, instead as just dealing with being a boyfriend to someone who works alot.

    Every situation is different and I would recommend degressing each time you guys reunite and make recommendations on what each person could be doing better. Since I was on patrol, I could only email maybe an hour or so a day. He didn't really understand the limitations of communication. He then sort of spited me and wasn't happy with the situation.

    I then didn't feel supported in what I wanted to do (I've been doing this for 6.5 years so it's not my first rodeo or relationship while I've been in) and decided to end it because I didn't see him being happy in the long run.

    I give alot of props to people that can stick by and support a military member. It's definitely not easy for both sides. It'll take some adjusting and please just embrace the lifestyle. Go to functions and make it a point to meet neighbors each time you move and just really go all out. My exes biggest issue was that he didn't like hanging out with Coasties because he felt like all we did was talk about work, when if he had given my shipmates a chance he would have had alot of fun.

    Something I do now is try and do a bunch of girls only outings so that girlfriends and spouses can get to know the females at the unit their loved one is attached to. Make it another family. We're also pushing for the guys do to the same for male spouses and significant others but... Guys are weird. Some units have had great successes with poker nights and such.

    It's a long but rewarding road if you can make it in the long run. Know that both sides are going to struggle.

    I'm now with someone else and am very very happy with them and it's going great! Good luck and reach out if you need any advice or anything in general.
    Take what you like and leave the rest behind.
    Cute8pieUser is Offline
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    30 Oct 2016 08:59 AM
    @Bells ,

    I appreciate your comment so much. Knowing that your happy gives me hope. I'm honestly so happy with my partner and I'm willing to stand by her as long as she is happy and we are both healthy. I will keep this in mind, and through the tough times, I will come back to your comment to remind me that I'm not alone.
    hooliganUser is Offline
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    30 Oct 2016 09:32 PM
    Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Dope.
    hooliganUser is Offline
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    30 Oct 2016 09:33 PM
    As in 'word.' Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Word.
    Cute8pieUser is Offline
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    31 Oct 2016 11:27 AM
    @hooligan,
    I will follow your advice. dawg.
    nicolette12User is Offline
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    31 Oct 2016 08:18 PM
    SOS people! new to this! my boy friend of 2 and a half years just left for boot camp today. I'm already lost without him. we dealt with the distance from college years already. I'm not worried about the 8 weeks... more so worried about week 5 when i find out where he ends up. IM FREAKING OUT; ANXIETY THROUGH THE ROOF; CANT CATCH BREATH; ugh i don't know how to handle this. really praying he lands somewhere thats manageable for me to move to. I'm a junior in college and i really need to finish school. anyways, anyone else's boyfriend jus tread today for boot camp?
    Cute8pieUser is Offline
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    Cute8pie

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    01 Nov 2016 07:33 AM
    @Nicolette12

    I feel as I will be in the same exact boat as you are less then 14 days. My partner leaves on the 15th for basic... what we have build as a couple is that if we are meant to be, we will work out and that we are strong. 
     Just keep thinking positive thoughts for yourself and your SO. 
     you're NOT...EVER alone... hope the best for him, and keep supporting him. 
     I will be finishing school too, and I will be graduating regardless. plus, once he comes back from basic most likely he will be sent 6 months on a cutter or dry deck before his 4 year port...or at least that is what I have been told... which will make the heart grow fonder (hooligan). 
     Just don't give up, as I mentioned before if you two are meant to be, you two will make it through.... before you know it you will be graduated.. maybe even in your career and your coastie will be standing right beside you... 
     I will be taking my own advice for sure
     but other advice I was given is to write your SO everyday, even if its something so simple.... thats what I will be doing... and if you do decide to do that, number each letter, (including date of course) for example , day 1, day 2, ect... even till the day before and of graduation, I'm sure each letter will be extremely appreciated. 
     Once you get their address you could send the 3 weeks of letters in 3 separate envelopes, and I would suggest small notepad paper, so its not completely overwhelming. Thats what I'm doing, everything will be okay...atleast thats what I keep telling myself, even when I go dark thinking about it.
    hooliganUser is Offline
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    01 Nov 2016 11:24 AM
    Executive Order 13607, Establishing Principles of Excellence for Educational Institutions Serving Service Members, Veterans, Spouses and Other Family Members was created to protect students against abusive and deceptive recruiting/retention practices by institutions of higher learning, and to ensure they receive the information, support, and tools they need to make informed decisions about all aspects of their education. According to Section 4 of the Executive Order, “Service members, veterans, spouses, and other family members should have access to a strong enforcement system through which to file complaints when institutions fail to follow the Principles.”

    The principle role of servicemembers opportunity colleges is to allow transfer of credits, reduce residency requirements, and to allow servicemembers (and family according to the executive order) to pursue education even if moving from one region to another. As long as you're pursuing education with an SOC institution... you've got rights.Check out http://www.soc.aascu.org/students .... it may well come to pass you're pursuing education while moving around the country under orders... so, keep studying hard and all the best to you and yours.
    GearsUser is Offline
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    Gears

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    01 Nov 2016 11:39 AM
    once he comes back from basic most likely he will be sent 6 months on a cutter or dry deck before his 4 year port


    I think you're a little confused. Recruits get orders to their first units, could be anything and anywhere. There is no hard and fast timeline for how long they'll be there. They won't be eligible to put their names on an "A" school list for 4 months typically. Then they have to wait for orders which can take anywhere from 6 months to a year or longer depending on the wait time for the school and the number of classes they hold per year. As a general rule of thumb new Coasties will be at their respective units for about one year, sometimes shorter or longer depending on factors you can't predict or control.
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    blaneyparkUser is Offline
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    01 Nov 2016 05:17 PM
    I hope you realize a new recruit will maybe end up on a ship and be gone for 2-4-6 months at a time. 8 weeks of boot camp is nothing if they make it through with out getting reverted.
    nicolette12User is Offline
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    nicolette12

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    01 Nov 2016 08:11 PM
    thank you for your support. we will both me fine as long as we stay strong!!!!
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