Old Guard2
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| 20 May 2009 05:31 PM |
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For you out of towners planning on visiting the Garden State for graduation, a few helpful tips. I grew up there so I know this is pretty darn factual!
How To Drive In Jersey ...
Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive effectively in NJ: A horn and a middle finger. Everything else is superfluous, including knowing where you are going.
For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there, these things may come as no surprise. For those who haven't traveled there before,
Beware, Be Prepared and Be Afraid.....Be Very Afraid.
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark. Also, Trenton is not pronounced Tren-ton, it is Trent-in.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church/Synagogue on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
4. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ)
5. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules:
- cars/trucks with the loudest muffler GO First at a fourway stop;
- the trucks with the biggest tires go second;
(However, in Monmouth and Burlington counties, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.)
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cursed out, and possibly shot.
7. Never honk at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot
8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey . Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.
10. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.
11. If someone actually has their turning signal ON (you know, the thingy that is there to show that you are about to go right or left) wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
12. If you want to talk to a friend who is on the sidewalk or you are doing carpool and are stopping to pick up a three-year-old (or any age) and there is a place to safely park by the curb DO NOT consider it! You are required to stop in the middle of the road, or in such a manner as to inconvenience other drivers who want to go by.
13. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
SAFE DRIVING ! ! !   
SN Robertson, Colin
USCGC Seneca |
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| Sector NY, Staten Island |
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wepprop
Veteran Member
Posts:3969
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| 20 May 2009 10:29 PM |
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You forgot: "Always yield to a car with dented fenders. They got that way for a reason. Besides, if he doesn't care about his own car, why should he care about yours?" |
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ChelleBelle
Basic Member
Posts:130
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| 22 May 2009 07:47 PM |
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And to add, I just read an article on the worst drivers by state and the top 5 are- New York New Jersey Hawaii California Georgia
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Old Guard2
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| 22 May 2009 07:57 PM |
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They forgot Massachusettes and Virginia... those people are nuts!!!!
SN Robertson, Colin
USCGC Seneca |
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| Sector NY, Staten Island |
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jkribell
Veteran Member
Posts:1302
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| 22 May 2009 10:40 PM |
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Yes that little news tidbit was on the front page of the paper here as we were the 3rd worse!!! Must have something to do with the fact that most of the people that live here have a hard time reading english!!??
Proud Mom of Cactus Blossom
AKA Seaperson Kribell, Heather-Roomate of SN Hottinger, Kaeli
FS A School Petaluma |
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| Lucky to live in Hawaii - Mom to FS3Kribell, USCGC Hamilton, San Diego |
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JetblackSTRIFE
Basic Member
Posts:165
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| 24 May 2009 05:38 AM |
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I grew up in Northeast PA (scranton) and got to deal with not only NJ drivers, but NY drivers as well!!! Does that make me a pro at driving if I never got into an accident up there?
SNOS MILLER COMMSTA KODIAK KODIAK, ALASKA |
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ChelleBelle
Basic Member
Posts:130
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| 25 May 2009 07:42 AM |
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Scranton!!! I love The Office!! Haha... There I go getting off topic again :)
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captkyguy
Trusted Member
Senior Member
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| 25 May 2009 04:16 PM |
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ChelleBelle said...
Scranton!!! I love The Office!! Haha... There I go getting off topic again :) That is the same thing i thought last night...lol
The first thing that came to me was when they drove off into the water because the GPS told them to turn right then...too funny!
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| I want to finally set it free, So show me how to see what Your mercy sees, Help me now to give what You gave to me...Forgiveness, Forgiveness
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ChelleBelle
Basic Member
Posts:130
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| 26 May 2009 01:48 AM |
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Haha I loved that anti technology episode. It reminded me of my mom.
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CSAYank
Advanced Member
Posts:826
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| 31 May 2009 08:11 PM |
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Apparantly the people making that list haven't been to South Florida!!! Between the old people driving slow enough to be consitered debris.... Blinker? WTF is a blinker? And my favorite: The Florida Slide. Come to my work, sit down with me and watch cameras....ALL THE TIME people will miss their exits and shoot across 6 LANES OF TRAFFIC!!! Not empty roads, Traffic on I-95 in Miami-Dade and Broward County. Couple that with people from other countries (not racist, just stating) that have different driving rules/regs and how REDICULOUSLY easy it is to get a license here......we should be up there! haha
-Pain is weakness leaving the body.
-It's 5 o'clcok somewhere.
- So can you tell me what exactly does freedon mean, if I'm not free to be as twisted as I wanna be. |
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Old Guard2
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| 31 May 2009 09:43 PM |
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Where do you think all the old foggies in South Florida came from? NY & NJ! When we lived in New Orleans we were convenced you had a choice... blinkers or air conditioning, they couldn't put both in the car so you had to choose one... of course everyone went with A/C!
SN Robertson, Colin
USCGC Seneca |
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| Sector NY, Staten Island |
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DougMellon
New Member
Posts:7
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| 02 Jun 2009 11:42 AM |
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sure your not talking about mass drivers? haha being from maine all i hear is people talking about mass drivers. |
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husband
Advanced Member
Posts:528
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| 13 Jun 2009 07:31 PM |
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Florida traffic = Snowbirds alley. It sucks. Ive seen the florida slide personally on I 75...lol....this one guy missed his exit and just decided to make his own on the grassy median.
SN Husband
USCGC Ocracoke
St. Petersburg, FL |
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sunny717
Basic Member
Posts:245
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| 08 Jul 2009 01:18 PM |
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And by the way . . . We in New Joysey DO NOT YIELD to pedestrians. Only pedestrians walking their dogs. Plus do NOT SLOW DOWN in EZ pass lanes paying tolls, this will result in rear-end collisions.
Coastie Dad&Mom and Sunny |
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Sunny |
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pixs hubby
Basic Member
Posts:233
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| 09 Jul 2009 12:12 AM |
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This is what i got to look forward to???? OH HELL |
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sunny717
Basic Member
Posts:245
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| 20 Jul 2009 10:25 PM |
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One other important thing I forgot . . . You need about a pint or more of blood plasma when you drive thru swampy areas of NJ. In case you break down with your car, the green heads and mosquitos will suck you dry. The mosquito is New Joyseys state bird. When changing lanes on major hyways, make sure you look in your rear view mirror real good. These organ donors fly by on their Japaneese bikes at twice the speed. JK
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Sunny |
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macmac
Basic Member
Posts:200
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| 21 Jul 2009 09:07 AM |
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the best thing to remember when driving in Jersey is if you are a slow driver......STAY IN THE RIGHT LANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrr |
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Bored of Desk Jobs
Advanced Member
Posts:610
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| 22 Jul 2009 06:44 PM |
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OldGuard said...
Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive effectively in NJ: A horn and a middle finger.
7. Never honk at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot
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Ian56's Mom
Basic Member
Posts:210
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| 27 Dec 2009 07:08 AM |
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I do want to say that I loved the people in New Jersey. Seriously. I loved their personalities. At least the ones I spoke to or came across. They were very direct, very honest, straight-to-the-point, no bullcrap........but they were nice, friendly, mannerly. Yes, mannerly. A lot of people from back East that I spoke with, couldn't believe I met mannerly people in New Jersey (and that includes our family which lives in Connecticut and New York). I loved the guys at the toll booths. There was one that I saw going there and then again leaving there. He smiled and said "hey pumpkin patch, how ya doin?". I really did enjoy the people there.
 Debbie "Ian56's mom" "My sons are the loves of my life" |
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Debbie
"Ian56's mom"
"My sons are the loves of my life" |
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massagegirl128
New Member
Posts:96
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| 05 Jan 2010 12:40 AM |
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I could never understand the horrible driving when I lived in Florida until I went to NY and NJ. Since most of Florida is not from Florida everyone has there own driving style from there own state. Pile that on with all the old people just wandering into your lane at any given moment and driving 2miles an hour and you have some pretty crazy junk going on. Florida is the only state you can get into a five car pile up in the grocery store parking lot! I have actually seen it! |
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ChrisNJ03
New Member
Posts:14
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| 05 Jan 2010 09:07 PM |
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ok ok ok so its my home state and I will agree that in 99% of the cases.....we r not bad drivers....we just r determined drivers lol People from south jersey...AC and below...we can drive, up north in Joysee....god help u lol. 2 different states lol |
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sunny717
Basic Member
Posts:245
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ChrisNJ03
New Member
Posts:14
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| 07 Jan 2010 06:55 PM |
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thats up nawth lol |
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sunny717
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captkyguy
Trusted Member
Senior Member
Posts:6877
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| 22 Jan 2010 03:06 AM |
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North is anything North of the Red River 
Kyle
In his life changing name God Bless! |
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| I want to finally set it free, So show me how to see what Your mercy sees, Help me now to give what You gave to me...Forgiveness, Forgiveness
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TXCG09
Basic Member
Posts:273
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| 22 Jan 2010 01:16 PM |
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hahaha I am from North Carolina. In basic training on off base liberty I came across some nice people and not so nice people. While walking down the road in uniform some gentlemen drove up to me and 2 other shipmates and started cussing at us and threw a bottle at my friend. I don't know about you guys, but that isn't a good start to a first time visit. Although the friendly man thanking me for my service in K-Mart made up for this. Another bad example was after basic my NOW wife and my mother drove up there for graduation. We were eating somewhere and the waitress was RUDE as all can be. I understand there are a bunch of rude people ALL OVER, but in Jersey idk.. I was stationed in New York (Central on Lake Ontario) and NOONE was rude to me at all. Everyone was nice there so idk I guess like you said it's south Jersey thats bad lol. OH for drivers.. drivers in New York are fine I spent a year and a half there and drove all over. Florida on the other hand.. I almost was killed there by a dumb driver wrecking in front of me trying to pass. People are nuts in Florida lol..OH TEXAS is horrible too..ugh
MST3 Suggs |
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sunny717
Basic Member
Posts:245
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| 23 Jan 2010 11:12 PM |
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Captkyguy said...North is anything North of the Red River Red River is on the other side of north. . . . Like in out of bounds.
AST3 Coastie. Dad & Mom and Sunny
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Sunny |
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Larkspur
New Member
Posts:29
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| 11 Mar 2010 08:54 PM |
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Hahahaha! Lmao! I'm from the great state of New Jersey, I even attended Rutgers University for a few years (unfortunately). But the origional poster forgot number 14! The presence of foul weather in winter months automatically means that lane dividers and double yellow line two way traffic dividers are no longer in effect. Feel free to drive wherever you please on the road, epecially if there is oncoming traffic. But remember, the motorist with the loudest stereo system ALWAYS has the right of way if you are in a "incliment winter weather, driving dead center down the road face off". If an accident is to occur in winter weather, the non New Jersey native is always at fault regardless of how the accident actually occured. This is because east coast dwellers "KNOW" how to drive in bad weather ( this is not an opinion, it is a fact). Happy winter driving!<!-- Edit --> Last Edited : 3/11/2010 11:18:22 PM GMT |
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| "Dont pay attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches." - Andy Warhol |
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wepprop
Veteran Member
Posts:3969
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| 11 Mar 2010 10:53 PM |
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Fowl weather indeed...  |
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jen899193
Trusted Member
Moderator
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| 11 Mar 2010 11:19 PM |
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lmao!!!! and here i was gonna let that one slide.
Jen
Proud Coastguard Mom of
OS3 Church, Brittney R.
Camslant Chesapeake, VA
"Those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." ~Benjamin Franklin
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| ~Jen~
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