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Potential Coast Guard Girlfriend
Last Post 17 Jul 2006 10:37 PM by RevGunzWife. 4 Replies.
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MissPinUpUser is Offline
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MissPinUp

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09 Jul 2006 11:26 PM
    Hello, I'm new to this, but I have some concerns about my boyfriend and me. We've been dating for almost 2 years now.  He's currently in a warehousing job and he's looking to do something his "kids can be proud of".  I agree completely, and I know his job is hard on him.  I'm going to college in the fall for nursing, so I'll only be in 3 1/2 years at the most. He's 22 now, and I guess he's only got 4 more years until he's ineligeble.  By then I'll be around 20-21, and I'll be ready to establish a family and such.  We've discussed getting married, he says I'll be happy being a coast guard wife.  I'll be happy being his wife no matter what he does, but in all honesty, I want my own education as well.  As I said, I'm attending college in the fall, and rather than attend half of it here, and half of it in Maine (where he wants to go), I'd rather do it all here, and then potentially move.  I don't want the stress of worrying about my credits transferring, yadda yadda yadda. 

    It's not him I'm worried about.  I know that there are girls who will do ANYTHING for guys in uniforms.  That scares me.  I know things "just happen".  It's not right, and I don't condone it, but I would think guys would be more prone to it while away from their lovers for extended amounts of time.  I told him about this, and he said "Yes, that's true.  But I love YOU, not the Army wh***s."  (that's what we call them). 

    I want to support him, I really do.  I understand what he means, and I know he needs a new job.  I'm just worried that he'll be away long amounts of time, and our relationship will suffer.  I'm determined not to let it, but I'd just like to hear from some of you as to how your relationships are, how they've held up.  He hasn't cheated on me, and he's got a VERY guilty conscience, and in all honesty, I wouldn't think he'd do it.  There's just so much more to worry about it seems.  If I could get some feedback, I'd be so greatful.  I guess I'm just scared for now cry
    nwcoastiewifeUser is Offline
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    nwcoastiewife

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    11 Jul 2006 01:15 AM
    Well let's see let me begin by stating this we were ARMY before going into the CG so the term Army Whore is so wrong and, off color. You have loose women no matter what and, no matter where you are. The next thing is that man or woman will only do what another will let them do so with that said lets move on.  A military releationship weather married or dating is one of great scarafice. There will be times that changes occur that were not in your plans. I see you already saying where you want to live and, what you want to do. That is the first sign of half of the releationship being not so flexiable. A military releationship is only as good as the people in it. What I mean by that is the wife/girlfriend cannot be the type that is so consumed with the bahavior of the servicemember that when he/she comes home all you want to do is grill about what female talked to them and, what time they went to lunch, who all went, searching pockets, you get the point right.  You also have to  be willing to change plans when it's needed example maybe Alaska is not some place you ever thought of living you may hate the idea but would you divorce over it ? The military is a sometime harsh reality,it is full of disappointments and fun. Your man will be away often because in the CG to get promoted you must serve on a boat in many cases. My husband is an OS gone 3 months home 3 months and gone again. We have children and, I am expecting another thus making me mom and dad 6 months out of the year. Our releationship is wonderful, we make the most out of the time we do have togehter.  We are secure and, trust eachother we have found that setting goals and, working towards them with each patrol makes the time go by faster. I make postive changes to me each time he goes that keeps the releationship new, he takes classes and well you get the point right.  There is always going to be a woman in this world with a better figure than you a better job than you ect. these women will cross paths with your love one and, the only thing that will help keep his head on straight is to have a strong woman, one that trust him and one that is willing to explore and, show through her actions that no other woman can ever be to him what she is. I think instead of all this worry about his, step up your game and face the fact that you have to be better then the next no matter what he says.  If you have all these fears about the releationship may be it's not the outside world you need to look at it may be self evaluation that you need. Can you accept time apart, can you accept holidays alone at times without him, can you budget, can you get active in his ,work life. This as you can see is a job and, the toughest job in the military. Many will START THE RACE BUT............. ONLY A FEW OF US WILL FINISH.  JUST SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT. 
    MissPinUpUser is Offline
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    12 Jul 2006 07:04 PM
    I was looking for more positive feedback than that.  I know he won't cheat.  I don't have to step up my game.  Who's helping him train? I am. Should I feel guilty for wanting my own career in case god forbid anything should happen to him? No, and I resent the point made that I should be more flexible.  I am flexible.  There's no harm in me wanting to finish college.  I'd rather not be left with nothing.  Maybe I should have been a BIT more clear.  I was asking, in essence, if CG marraiges last.  Yes, I understand I have to be giving and flexible. Believe me, I may have been born on a Tuesday, but it wasn't yeasterday.

    I guess all in all I was looking for someone positive and not so demeaning.  I've learned now that I'll have to go somewhere else for positive advice. 
    nwcoastiewifeUser is Offline
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    nwcoastiewife

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    16 Jul 2006 05:16 PM
    IT IS NOT AT ALL ABOUT YOU WANTING SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOUSELF, IT WAS MORE ABOUT HOW YOU CAME ACROSS IF YOU READ YOUR MESSAGE IT COMES ACROSS AS IF YOU WERE MORE WORRIED ABOUT HIM CHEATING THAN ANYTHING ELSE. NOW IN LIGHT OF YOUR BEING MORE CLEAR I CAN BE MORE AS YOU PUT IT SUPPORTIVE. YES! COAST GURAD MARRIAGES DO LAST BUT THEY ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS THE TWO PEOPLE IN THEM. THERE ARE NEW COLLEGE LAWS THAT OFFER IN STATE TUTION FOR SPOUSES OF MILITARY MEMBERS. HE WILL BE TRAIN IN CAPE MAY NJ FOR BOOT CAMP (8WEEKS) AND EITHER ELIZABETHTOWN NC OR PETLUMA CA FOR A SCHOOL IF HE GET A PROMISED RATE(JOB). BTW IF YOU THINK I AM DEMANDING HAVE SEEN NOTHING YET WAIT TILL YOU ARE A CG OR MILITARY SPOUSE YOU WILL LEARN THAT YOUR MANS JOB IN THE MILITARY WILL DEMAND MUCH MORE THAN I EVER COULD IN ONE E-MAIL MESSAGE TO YOU.
    RevGunzWifeUser is Offline
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    RevGunzWife

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    17 Jul 2006 10:37 PM
    MissPinUp said...
    Hello, I'm new to this, but I have some concerns about my boyfriend and me. We've been dating for almost 2 years now. He's currently in a warehousing job and he's looking to do something his "kids can be proud of". I agree completely, and I know his job is hard on him. I'm going to college in the fall for nursing, so I'll only be in 3 1/2 years at the most. He's 22 now, and I guess he's only got 4 more years until he's ineligeble. By then I'll be around 20-21, and I'll be ready to establish a family and such. We've discussed getting married, he says I'll be happy being a coast guard wife. I'll be happy being his wife no matter what he does, but in all honesty, I want my own education as well. As I said, I'm attending college in the fall, and rather than attend half of it here, and half of it in Maine (where he wants to go), I'd rather do it all here, and then potentially move. I don't want the stress of worrying about my credits transferring, yadda yadda yadda.




    It's not him I'm worried about. I know that there are girls who will do ANYTHING for guys in uniforms. That scares me. I know things "just happen". It's not right, and I don't condone it, but I would think guys would be more prone to it while away from their lovers for extended amounts of time. I told him about this, and he said "Yes, that's true. But I love YOU, not the Army wh***s." (that's what we call them).



    I want to support him, I really do. I understand what he means, and I know he needs a new job. I'm just worried that he'll be away long amounts of time, and our relationship will suffer. I'm determined not to let it, but I'd just like to hear from some of you as to how your relationships are, how they've held up. He hasn't cheated on me, and he's got a VERY guilty conscience, and in all honesty, I wouldn't think he'd do it. There's just so much more to worry about it seems. If I could get some feedback, I'd be so greatful. I guess I'm just scared for now cry


    Actually he has 5 more years - hypothetically you could finish college before he joins the gaurd.
    If he wants to join the Reserves, which makes good money and allows you to stay in one place Check out USCG.MIL for more indepth information about the two different career paths.

    There are different rates (a "rate" describes a Coasties area of expertise in the CG) and depending on how well your guy places on the entrance exam and how long the waiting list is for whatever specialization he wants in the CG is it could take him 2 to 3 years to be settled in the CG.

    His inital commitment to the USCG will be for 8 years, 4 years active duty and then if he choses not to go further he will be placed on the reserve list for the next 4 years. 4 years would give him enough time to taste the gaurd and see if it's for him... it would let you finish college. It would give you both a taste for a long distance relationship - and I assure you, time will come when you will be apart for many days or months. If you can handle this - you are certainly ready to be married.

    Distance is hard, but it is not the real reason people break up. My husband and I lived 3 hours apart for the first several years of our relationship. When he joined the CG we were living over 1500 miles apart when we decided to wed. We have 2 kids, I _am_ the stay at home mom and primary caregiver for half the month. This is by my choice, i could still have a career but I chose this direction. I -Love- the gypsy life of the USCG - being able to move every 2-4 years gives me a sense of freedom. I like the time away from my husband as our time together when he is home means that much more.

    As far as infidelity goes: just remember - he is away from you
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