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Interservice Rivalry
Last Post 02 Oct 2011 12:16 AM by potassium. 17 Replies.
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Jessica07User is Offline
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Jessica07

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23 Apr 2010 01:34 AM
    I've mentioned before on this site, but my boyfriend is a sailor in the Navy. As a result, we frequently debate (in a friendly, joking manner of course) which of the two services is better.


    Anyone have any good interservice rivalry stories?


    Fiscal Year '11... here I come!

    Coastie Hopeful 2011 ~ Semper Paratus!
    GearsUser is Offline
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    Gears

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    23 Apr 2010 03:17 PM
    Every time I visit my dad we go head to head. Who put the Marines on Guam in 1944?


    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

    - Mark Twain

    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    CoochUser is Offline
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    Cooch

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    23 Apr 2010 03:24 PM
    The Coast Guard was created so that Navy wives have at least ONE good looking child....


     "If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."  -  John Lennon

    You can meet the standard, or you can set the standard. It's your choice.
    GearsUser is Offline
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    Gears

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    23 Apr 2010 03:25 PM
    Who saved the lives of a Battalion of Marines at Guadalcanal in September of 1942?

    Signalman 1st Class Douglas Munro

    It just goes on and on...


    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

    - Mark Twain

    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    Jessica07User is Offline
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    Jessica07

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    23 Apr 2010 05:58 PM
    Gears said...
    Every time I visit my dad we go head to head. Who put the Marines on Guam in 1944?



    I'll have to put that as the background on his computer devil


    Fiscal Year '11... here I come!

    Coastie Hopeful 2011 ~ Semper Paratus!
    CoochUser is Offline
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    Cooch

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    24 Apr 2010 01:50 AM
    M.A.R.I.N.E.

    Muscles
    Are
    Required
    Intelligence
    Not
    Essential

    or...

    U.S.M.C.

    Uncle
    Sam's
    Misguided
    Children


     "If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."  -  John Lennon

    You can meet the standard, or you can set the standard. It's your choice.
    CoochUser is Offline
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    Cooch

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    24 Apr 2010 01:51 AM
    A.R.M.Y.

    Two Versions:

    Aren't
    Real
    Men
    Yet

    or....

    Aren't
    Real
    Marines
    Yet


     "If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."  -  John Lennon

    You can meet the standard, or you can set the standard. It's your choice.
    CoochUser is Offline
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    Cooch

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    24 Apr 2010 01:51 AM
    N.A.V.Y.

    Never
    Again
    Volunteer
    Yourself


     "If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."  -  John Lennon

    You can meet the standard, or you can set the standard. It's your choice.
    CoochUser is Offline
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    Cooch

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    24 Apr 2010 01:53 AM
    I don't know any Coast Guard or Air Force ones (other than the Chair Force).

    Please feel free to post them as you think of them!


     "If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."  -  John Lennon

    You can meet the standard, or you can set the standard. It's your choice.
    GearsUser is Offline
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    Gears

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    25 Apr 2010 01:47 PM
    Jessica,

    My brother has a framed print of that picture on his wall at work. Everyone who sees it asks the same question, "Who do you know in the Coast Guard?"


    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

    - Mark Twain

    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    NuclearJesusUser is Offline
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    NuclearJesus

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    27 Nov 2010 10:30 PM
    I've heard the Coast Guard be called Puddle Pirates, better than Butt Pirate though.(Like the Navy)
    Old thread, had to revive it. xD
    GearsUser is Offline
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    Gears

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    28 Nov 2010 06:49 AM
    On Veteran's Day I went to an event to raise colors. An old WWII Marine asked me how long I've been in the Hooligan Navy.
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    Eoghan RoeUser is Offline
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    Eoghan Roe

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    30 Nov 2010 06:52 AM
    My parents were both Navy and they CONSTANTLY refer to Marines as Sea-Going Bellhops. And the wonderful "My @$$ Rides In Navy Equipment"

    As far as Navy goes I've heard Squids, Swabbies, and Anchor Clankers before.
    husbandUser is Offline
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    husband

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    07 Dec 2010 08:11 AM
    I got this in a chain-email the other day...it's been around, but it's still worth a laugh for people who haven't seen it

    U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH:
    "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. I understand that at least twice a day, someone will refer to me a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts during the worst of natures storms, and receive no thanks or notice from the public (or President). I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later. I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web-surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless. I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, SO HELP ME GOD."
     ____________________ Signature
    ____________________ Date

    US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT: "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. SO HELP ME GOD!" ____________________ Signature
    ____________________ Date

    US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
    "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on separation and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. SO HELP ME GOD!" _____________________ Signature
    _____________________ Date

    US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT: "I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." SO HELP ME NEPTUNE!"
    ______________________ Signature
    ______________________ Date

    US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT: "I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh ....high-and-tight.... grunt...cammies....kill....fix bayonets.... charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women.... beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call ....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! SO HELP ME CHESTY PULLER!"
    X____________________ Thumb Print
    XX _________________________________ Teeth Marks
     _____________________ Date
    Eoghan RoeUser is Offline
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    Eoghan Roe

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    07 Dec 2010 08:23 AM
    Oh wow, that is great! Especially the Marine Corps!
    GearsUser is Offline
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    Gears

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    07 Dec 2010 09:11 AM
    I find that slightly offensive. No one has fixed a bayonet since Korea, and during a conversation about "fixing bayonets" with a Vet GI, they don't teach it anymore.
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
    suebUser is Offline
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    sueb

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    15 Dec 2010 11:35 PM
    This has been circulated around the Coast Guard. Perhaps
    you've seen it:

    HOW TO SIMULATE COAST GUARD SHIPBOARD LIFE IN YOUR HOME

    1. When commencing this simulation, remember to lock all
    friends and family outside, communicating only with letters
    that your neighbor will hold for a month before delivering,
    losing one out of every five.

    2. Surround yourself with 150 people you would not choose
    to be with Q people who chain smoke, fart loudly and often,
    snore like a steam locomotive on an uphill grade. People
    who use expletives in speech like children use sugar on
    cereal are good candidates.

    3. Unplug all radios and televisions to cut yourself off
    completely from the outside world, but have a neighbor
    bring you last month's issues of Time, Newsweek, The
    Retired Officer, and Playboy (with all the photos cut out).

    4. Monitor all operating home appliances hourly, recording
    vital parameters (plugged in, light comes on as door is
    opened, etc.). If not in use, log as "SECURED." Make line
    drawing of all piping and electrical circuits.

    5. Do not flush toilets for the first three days to
    simulate the smell of forty people using it. After that,
    flush and overflow once daily. At least every five days,
    post a sign stating "The Sewage System is Secured Until
    Further Notice." It is OK to forget to remove this sign.
    Take a shower using only a gallon of water to simulate
    underway sea showers.

    6. Wear only proper uniform attire or approved coveralls in
    designated areas. No special T-shirts or other clothing.
    Once a month, weather not withstanding, clean and press one
    uniform, go outside, and stand for one half hour, after
    which you may change back into your proper uniform.

    7. Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until
    you are bald or you look as though you have tangled with a
    demented sheepshearer.

    8. Work in 18-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a
    time to ensure your body doesn't know or care it it's
    daytime or night. At random intervals, announce that you
    will either add or subtract an hour from the apparent time.

    9. Listen to your favorite cassette six time a day for two
    weeks., then play music that causes nausea until you are
    glad to get back to your "favorite" cassette.

    10. Cut a single bed in half lengthwise, and enclose three
    sides. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting in any
    position (18" is a good height). Replace the mattress with
    a steel plate and cover it with three inches of foam to
    duplicate a shipboard bunk. Place a dead animal under your
    bed to simulate the smell of your cubemate's sheets.

    11. Set your alarm clock to go off at the "snooze" setting
    interval for the first hour of sleep to simulate the
    various alarms of watchstanders going off at odd times.
    Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure that you're
    tossed from side to side for the remaining three hours.

    12. Prepare all food while blindfolded, using all the
    spices that you can grope for, to simulate shipboard food.
    Add salt. Remove the blindfold and eat as fast as is
    humanly possible. Add more salt. If the food does not stick
    to an inverted plate when served cold, add more lard. Add
    more salt. If the food contains at least one part per
    thousand of fiber, dispose of it. Add more salt. Beat you
    plate enthusiastically against the side of the trash can
    when disposing of your leftovers.

    13. Periodically shut off power at the main breaker and run
    around screaming "Fire in the engine room! Fire in the
    engine room!" until you sweat profusely or lose your voice,
    then restore power.

    14. Buy a gas mask and scrub the faceplate with steel wool
    until you can't see out of it. Wear it for two hours every
    fifth day.

    15. Study the owners manual for all appliances in the
    dwelling. At regular intervals, take each one apart and put
    it back together again, then test operate it at the extreme
    limit of its tolerances.

    16. Remove all plants, pictures, and decorations. Paint all
    furnishings Navaho while, brown, or hospital green. Stencil
    everything with numbers.

    17. To ensure a clean and happy environment, clean every
    day from top to bottom. Whenever possible, repeat your
    efforts. when finished, inspect your work, criticizing as
    much as possible. Never be satisfied with a good, solid
    effort.

    18. Once a day, plug in your TV to watch a movie that you
    walked out on two years ago. Then watch "That's Incredible"
    for two hours.

    19. Since you have no doctor, stock up on as many antacids,
    aspirin, Band-Aids, condoms, Robitussin, and suppositories
    as possible. These will cure any disease known to Mankind.

    20. Prepare yourself for an emergency that will force you
    to leave the dwelling, knowing that if you leave, the biker
    gang you hired will simulate sharks and cut off your arms
    and legs. Study "First Aid for bleeding," and the first
    extinguisher owner's manual until you can quote them
    verbatim.

    21. Every three weeks or so, go outside directly to the
    city slums, wearing your best clothes. Enter the raunchiest
    bar you can find and order their expensive beer. Drink as
    many as you can pour down in four hours, then hire a cab to
    return you by the longest route he can find. Tip the driver
    even though he doubled your fare. Lock yourself back in
    your dwelling for three more weeks.

    22. This simulation must run at least 90 days to be
    effective. The exact date of the end of the simulation will
    be changed no fewer than seven times without your
    knowledge. This is done to keep you guessing as to when you
    can hope to resume a normal life, and in the hopes that it
    will screw up any plans you might like to make.

    This guide was designed to assist those who would like to,
    but haven't had the opportunity or privilege to enjoy an
    extended period of time aboard a Coast Guard cutter.
    potassiumUser is Offline
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    potassium

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    02 Oct 2011 12:16 AM
    I know this is old, but... sueb, I've seen a couple of those, but not the full list. Laughed so hard, I started tearing up.
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