I've mentioned before on this site, but my boyfriend is a sailor in the Navy. As a result, we frequently debate (in a friendly, joking manner of course) which of the two services is better.


Anyone have any good interservice rivalry stories?

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Fiscal Year '11... here I come!

Every time I visit my dad we go head to head. Who put the Marines on Guam in 1944?

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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

- Mark Twain

The Coast Guard was created so that Navy wives have at least ONE good looking child....

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Who saved the lives of a Battalion of Marines at Guadalcanal in September of 1942?

Signalman 1st Class Douglas Munro

It just goes on and on...

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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

- Mark Twain

I'll have to put that as the background on his computer

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Fiscal Year '11... here I come!

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A.R.M.Y.

Two Versions:

Aren't
Real
Men
Yet

or....

Aren't
Real
Marines
Yet

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N.A.V.Y.

Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself

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I don't know any Coast Guard or Air Force ones (other than the Chair Force).

Please feel free to post them as you think of them!

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Jessica,

My brother has a framed print of that picture on his wall at work. Everyone who sees it asks the same question, "Who do you know in the Coast Guard?"

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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

- Mark Twain

I've heard the Coast Guard be called Puddle Pirates, better than Butt Pirate though.(Like the Navy)
Old thread, had to revive it. xD

On Veteran's Day I went to an event to raise colors. An old WWII Marine asked me how long I've been in the Hooligan Navy.

My parents were both Navy and they CONSTANTLY refer to Marines as Sea-Going Bellhops. And the wonderful "My @$$ Rides In Navy Equipment"

As far as Navy goes I've heard Squids, Swabbies, and Anchor Clankers before.

I got this in a chain-email the other day...it's been around, but it's still worth a laugh for people who haven't seen it

U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH:
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. I understand that at least twice a day, someone will refer to me a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts during the worst of natures storms, and receive no thanks or notice from the public (or President). I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later. I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web-surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless. I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, SO HELP ME GOD."
 ____________________ Signature
____________________ Date

US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT: "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. SO HELP ME GOD!" ____________________ Signature
____________________ Date

US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on separation and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. SO HELP ME GOD!" _____________________ Signature
_____________________ Date

US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT: "I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." SO HELP ME NEPTUNE!"
______________________ Signature
______________________ Date

US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT: "I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh ....high-and-tight.... grunt...cammies....kill....fix bayonets.... charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women.... beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call ....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! SO HELP ME CHESTY PULLER!"
X____________________ Thumb Print
XX _________________________________ Teeth Marks
 _____________________ Date

Oh wow, that is great! Especially the Marine Corps!

I find that slightly offensive. No one has fixed a bayonet since Korea, and during a conversation about "fixing bayonets" with a Vet GI, they don't teach it anymore.

This has been circulated around the Coast Guard. Perhaps
you've seen it:

HOW TO SIMULATE COAST GUARD SHIPBOARD LIFE IN YOUR HOME

1. When commencing this simulation, remember to lock all
friends and family outside, communicating only with letters
that your neighbor will hold for a month before delivering,
losing one out of every five.

2. Surround yourself with 150 people you would not choose
to be with Q people who chain smoke, fart loudly and often,
snore like a steam locomotive on an uphill grade. People
who use expletives in speech like children use sugar on
cereal are good candidates.

3. Unplug all radios and televisions to cut yourself off
completely from the outside world, but have a neighbor
bring you last month's issues of Time, Newsweek, The
Retired Officer, and Playboy (with all the photos cut out).

4. Monitor all operating home appliances hourly, recording
vital parameters (plugged in, light comes on as door is
opened, etc.). If not in use, log as "SECURED." Make line
drawing of all piping and electrical circuits.

5. Do not flush toilets for the first three days to
simulate the smell of forty people using it. After that,
flush and overflow once daily. At least every five days,
post a sign stating "The Sewage System is Secured Until
Further Notice." It is OK to forget to remove this sign.
Take a shower using only a gallon of water to simulate
underway sea showers.

6. Wear only proper uniform attire or approved coveralls in
designated areas. No special T-shirts or other clothing.
Once a month, weather not withstanding, clean and press one
uniform, go outside, and stand for one half hour, after
which you may change back into your proper uniform.

7. Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until
you are bald or you look as though you have tangled with a
demented sheepshearer.

8. Work in 18-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a
time to ensure your body doesn't know or care it it's
daytime or night. At random intervals, announce that you
will either add or subtract an hour from the apparent time.

9. Listen to your favorite cassette six time a day for two
weeks., then play music that causes nausea until you are
glad to get back to your "favorite" cassette.

10. Cut a single bed in half lengthwise, and enclose three
sides. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting in any
position (18" is a good height). Replace the mattress with
a steel plate and cover it with three inches of foam to
duplicate a shipboard bunk. Place a dead animal under your
bed to simulate the smell of your cubemate's sheets.

11. Set your alarm clock to go off at the "snooze" setting
interval for the first hour of sleep to simulate the
various alarms of watchstanders going off at odd times.
Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure that you're
tossed from side to side for the remaining three hours.

12. Prepare all food while blindfolded, using all the
spices that you can grope for, to simulate shipboard food.
Add salt. Remove the blindfold and eat as fast as is
humanly possible. Add more salt. If the food does not stick
to an inverted plate when served cold, add more lard. Add
more salt. If the food contains at least one part per
thousand of fiber, dispose of it. Add more salt. Beat you
plate enthusiastically against the side of the trash can
when disposing of your leftovers.

13. Periodically shut off power at the main breaker and run
around screaming "Fire in the engine room! Fire in the
engine room!" until you sweat profusely or lose your voice,
then restore power.

14. Buy a gas mask and scrub the faceplate with steel wool
until you can't see out of it. Wear it for two hours every
fifth day.

15. Study the owners manual for all appliances in the
dwelling. At regular intervals, take each one apart and put
it back together again, then test operate it at the extreme
limit of its tolerances.

16. Remove all plants, pictures, and decorations. Paint all
furnishings Navaho while, brown, or hospital green. Stencil
everything with numbers.

17. To ensure a clean and happy environment, clean every
day from top to bottom. Whenever possible, repeat your
efforts. when finished, inspect your work, criticizing as
much as possible. Never be satisfied with a good, solid
effort.

18. Once a day, plug in your TV to watch a movie that you
walked out on two years ago. Then watch "That's Incredible"
for two hours.

19. Since you have no doctor, stock up on as many antacids,
aspirin, Band-Aids, condoms, Robitussin, and suppositories
as possible. These will cure any disease known to Mankind.

20. Prepare yourself for an emergency that will force you
to leave the dwelling, knowing that if you leave, the biker
gang you hired will simulate sharks and cut off your arms
and legs. Study "First Aid for bleeding," and the first
extinguisher owner's manual until you can quote them
verbatim.

21. Every three weeks or so, go outside directly to the
city slums, wearing your best clothes. Enter the raunchiest
bar you can find and order their expensive beer. Drink as
many as you can pour down in four hours, then hire a cab to
return you by the longest route he can find. Tip the driver
even though he doubled your fare. Lock yourself back in
your dwelling for three more weeks.

22. This simulation must run at least 90 days to be
effective. The exact date of the end of the simulation will
be changed no fewer than seven times without your
knowledge. This is done to keep you guessing as to when you
can hope to resume a normal life, and in the hopes that it
will screw up any plans you might like to make.

This guide was designed to assist those who would like to,
but haven't had the opportunity or privilege to enjoy an
extended period of time aboard a Coast Guard cutter.

I know this is old, but... sueb, I've seen a couple of those, but not the full list. Laughed so hard, I started tearing up.

I was disqualified from joining (insert name of rival service) because I couldn't pass the background check.

Not so much a story, but a fact to shove in his face. The Coast Guard is actually the oldest US naval military service since the navy disbanded after the revolutionary war.